(** My Life..My Love..My World... ** ))..(

Monday, October 31, 2005

What is love??

Is it making someone else happy in spite of ur own happiness??
Is it making urself miserable just as long as the other person is happy??

Then i just did that......

| 10/31/2005 08:37:00 PM

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Juz got back from geylang. Yuppp.

Bought 300gm of dendeng. 300 gm and i think i ate 250gm of them. No wait. I GOBBLED 250gm of dendeng. The moment i got home, i transferred the dendengs onto a plate and thennn i brought them out into the living room and i told my parents:

"OK u all better take ur share first. Lepas tu watever is left will be MINE. I nak habiskan sekarang jugak"

And sooooooo it happened again. Miss Azreen gobbled up all her dendengs in a matter of minutes. Like some buruk carnivore. Ehhh i lurrrrve meat. Yes. MEAT. Carnivore through and through. Muahaha.

Sooo i guess there are 2 food which i dun like to share. They are ice cream and dendengs. Yuppp. Dun u dare ask them from me unless i offer them to u.

Sooooooo as usual saw a lot of familliar faces.

I kept bumping into Farid. Not Farid-Ronald-Susilo-Tak-Jadi but Farid from SB-HV. Yaaa thaaaat VERY GOOD LOOKING FARID. Ok i noe none of u has seen him except for Shaikhah but he IS VERY GOOD LOOKING.

So kannn... he was in a lime green tee wif jeans and a jade necklace. Jade. Necklace. Wat. In. The. World. And i think he had eyeliner on cos the area below his eyes were dark. U noe like smudged liner. And i duno why but i kept bumping into him. All ayah's fault la. Every lorong that Farid went into, he followed.

Thennn i duno if Farid rmbred me or not la but he kept smiling at me. And u noe wat i did?? Each time he smiled, i jeling. Yup i did. Padan muka. Who ask u to be such an ass??

I dun think he rmbrs me. I think he smiled at me cos he thought i was another pretty girl. Ehhh ini bukan kes masok bakul, angkat sendiri tau. I was dressed nicely. Long black skirt. White top. White earrings. Hair pleated at the side wif the nice yellow orchid rubber band tied at the end.

My mom said i looked sweet. Heeeeeeeee.

Dennn we bumped into a few family frenz and stuff la. Sooooooo we stepped into tkc. I tell u i hate that place cos mats and minahs were everywhere. Yuk.

Sooooo was walking at tkc and i saw a loooonnng queue at the atm machine. No big deal la. The cisco officer was probably depositing some more notes into the machine. And dennn as i walked past the queue, i saw...............

Andi. Azwandi. U noe the hot hot Andi who worked at Mc Cafe?? The ABSOLUTELY HOT AZWANDI WHO INTRODUCED HIMSELF TO ME:

"Hi, my name is Azwandi but my frenz call me Andy"

I saw him first. And thennn he saw me too. He was wif a girl whom i instantaneously assmued was his gf. And i stared at him. He stared at me. He staaaaaaarrrred and i didnt noe whether i shld smile or not. And dennnn u noe wat he did??

He put his arms around his gf's neck and hugged her and continued staring at me.

BRUDDER!!!! Wat was thaaaaaaat for?? Cmon laaaaaa. If i were some guy who was after ur gf, den i understand ur reaction la but it was HARMLESS me. Yes. Harmless Miss Azreen.

And the gf wasnt pretty. Fine. It's good to noe that he doesnt go for the drop dead gorgeous and hot gals. Its fine la that he has a gf. His life waaaat. There was ALMOST smth btwn us but nothing happened in the end so it's ok u noe.

But the gal was PETITE. Wif CURLY hair. And she was... PETITE.

Now now... Andi is taaaaaalllll. She reached his armpit level.

But then again Ansari is COMFORTABLY TALL. If u noe wat i mean... Heh.

I was pissed la. I mean cmon la brudder. Wat did i do to u?? U cld have juz smiled back u noe. I wldnt have bothered to go up to u and say hi anyway. Puhleeese.

Ala no loss la. NO LOSS.

Ive got someone who loves me. Sooo yup. Good luck ah wif ur current gf. Thought u were a commitment phobe?? My bf may not be as loaded as u. My bf may not be earning while studying like u. My bf may not be earning as much as u. My bf may not have that much savings like u. My bf may not have a scrambler like u (but My Batman has his own Batmobil. Dun play play ok!).

In other words... my bf may have his shortcomings but i still love him all the same ok. I'm not gona ask for more.

U noe... bumping into those guys did make me ponder over my taste in guys. Reali. Cos if u take a look at them now... Farid wif his smudged eyeliner. Andi the teacher to be who is still thin and the effects of smoking is definitely eating into his good looks.

Dennn i stopped there.

Ansari may not be hot. Ansari may not be gorgeous but in my eyes... he is the cutest and selenge-est guy ive ever laid my eyes on and im proud of him. I reali am.

He's My Dark Knight. Forever. Heeeeeeeee.

And Shaikhah needs to learn to express herself clearly. Cos juz now she asked me if i went geylang alone. ALONE?? Who in their right frame of mind goes to geylang ALONE??

And juz a few weeks ago, she saw me online and she prompted me wif:

"Eh, ure online??"

NO SHAIKHAH. NO. IT WAS MY GHOST ONLINE.

If she had ended her sentence wif an exclamation mark, it was ok. That wld have showed she was ecstatic or smth. If she had ended her sentence wif a full-stop, it wld have still been ok.

Ohhhh nvm.

One of the classic qns of the year..........

| 10/30/2005 12:22:00 AM

Friday, October 28, 2005

I am laffing away wif glee rite now. After dis i swear im gona golek golek wif a smile so huge on my face that even if u decide to stretch it all the way to johor, it will continue to streeeeeeeeeeeeeeetch.

Gawd i am so exaggerating. But let me be la k??

Mr Fantastic said i shiok sendiri. Ohhh takpe. Takpe. Memang dari dulu i suke shiok sendiri. U cant separate me from dis trait of mine. I simply lurrrrrrve to ber-shiok sendiri.

Cos u see... Cik Yam who is Ansari's mom... who is also Nora's mom... who is Lulu's auntie... who is Toonie's auntie... LURRRRRRRVES MY MACROONS!!!

Yaaaa. Tadi Nora smsed. She said her mom mintak recipe.

Golek golek

And she said i dah pikat hati her mom.

Golek golek

Sooooo im one step closer to... ummmmm... to impressing Batman's mom??

Cik Yam... i guarantee u will love dis Catwoman yang ur anak tergila-gilakan.

Golek golek

CIK YAM LURRRVES MY MACROONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok im sori. I reali cant help myself. Sooooo now im on a mission... to get Cik Yam and Cik Bakar to taste my asam pedas and kari kepala ikan cos both of them like those 2 dishes. Whennn they will get to taste my cooking?? Entah la.

Maybe when Ansari dah pass out??

Golek golek

And u noe wat?? Either my weighing scale is spoilt or ive reali lost another kilo. Toooot. I haave a check-up... next week. Im gona get into trouble.

Nememind

Nothing else matters as long as Cik Yam lurrrves my macroons

| 10/28/2005 12:24:00 AM

Thursday, October 27, 2005

I duno if i shld take down my shoutbox seeing that i have the haloscan thingy. I mean the haloscan thingy allows readers to type in very very long comments. Which is much nicer cos i lurrrrrrrrve reading long comments.

And seeing that shoutbox has been giving lots of problems as of late (it reali bothers me that i cant tag on Noreen's blog)... i shld juz remove my shoutbox right??

Up to u all la. If u wana type in long comments, den juz click on Walk Wif Me at the end of every post of mine.

Nora.. Nora..

U certainly made my day today. Yes u did. My bad mood hadnt gone away when i woke up juz now but when i met My Batman's Lil Sis (and perhaps mine?? in the future?? haha).. i juz started to smile.

And Nora.. when u handed me that Polar plastic bag.. i was so surprised!! Reali!! I wasnt expecting anything from u tau. So thank u very much. I'll have that chocolate cake thingy later after buka. No wait. Now i have 2 chocolate thingy to eat. Mc Cafe's Darn Good Brownie and the chocolate cake from Polar.

Fatnesssss. But it's ok. Kurus sangat pun tak lawa kan??

Nora.. Nora..

U never fail to make me laff. Tadi i naik bus pun i was smiling away. Tersenyum macam kambing. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Nanti.. Insyaallah.. Ur parents will get to taste my asam pedas and kari kepala ikan. Nyahaha. Insyaallah. Cuma i tak tahu sedap or not. I heard ur mom is a good cook so takde orang can lawan her kannn??

Golek golek
Golek golek
Golek golek

U noe.. ive been smsing Ansari everyday.

On Monday i told him: "Ehh.. i still want my bear tau. And i need new perfume. Ok if i want anything else, i'll tell u. 7 days to go"

Dennn on Tuesday i smsed him: "Ansari.. i want a pair of red stilletos. Get them for me tau. Thank u very much. 6 more days!!"

Yday it was: "Ansari.. Nora and me nak mkn sup tulang. Nanti u blanje k?? Hee. Thanks. 5 days more!!"

Dennn juz now i smsed him: "Dear Batman.. Catwoman juz saw a very nice red top from TM and she reali reali wans it. Will u get it for her?? Heh. 4 more days!!"

Sooooo now i wonder.. wat do i want tmr?? Heeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Nora.. Nora..

I lub u so much. Ure so sweet.

(ok Naz juz prompted me to ask abt Shaik's display pic. Brudder... tanye la yg punye diri. Jgn malu malu taik kucing ah)

Yes Nora.. i lub u so much. Not as much as i love ur abg but i still lub u. Heee. One day we shld go out together and bully ur abg k?? Nyahahaha. Rmbr to save some macroon for ur bro tau!! Heeee.

I reali wish Nora is my sis u noe. Den we can eat and eat to our heart's content. Bessssst. Lalalalalala.

(ok Naz is sounding like some pakcik kepo. funneh. golek golek)

Right... it's gona rain soon. I wana do some cleaning up la. Maybe i shld attempt to clean my mom's wardrobe.

I cant wait. I cant wait for Monday. I juz wana hear from My Batman. Itu je. I juz want My Batman to be back home safely. Wif his family. I cant wait for Monday.

| 10/27/2005 03:28:00 PM

Ahhh dammit. My period is here. Dammit. It's like ONLY the 27th and it's here. Fast leh. Fast by 1 week. Dammit.

Why muz it come when it's the last few days of Ramadhan?? See la. Now can't pray alreadi. Tak boleh baca Yasin. One of these nites could be malam lailatul qadar and i freaking cant pray!!

URRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now im pissed. Toooot. Tooooooooot. Toooooooooooooooooooooooot.

Guess this explains why ive been feeling so super lethargic lately. And those constant bouts of mood swings. Dammit.

Shaikhah came over around 1030pm juz now. All the way from Jruong wif her Mr Fantastic. She came right at my doorstep to send me stuff.

Sooooo now i have this thingy for me to hang my earrings on. Like those wooden blinds. But it's pretty small la. A4 size. A bigger one wld be nicer. Let's say... A2 size. But it's ok la.

I already hung all of my earrings on it. Since there's nothing for me to hang it on in my room, i've hung it in the other room. Biar ayah look at my collection of earrings. Biar semua tetamu see my earrings.

Biiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Soooo i counted and counted my earrings and i realized... i have 1 pair of missing earrings. This blue diamond like earrings. Not real diamonds of course but they take the shape of diamonds and they are nice dark blue in colour.

The last time i wore it was when... i met the other Kukuz at PS. Why do i have this sinking feeling that it's wif Ansari??

Cos u see.. i dropped my earrings while trying on some clothes at Fox. Soooo Ansari picked them up. And dennnnn... And dennnn i cant rmbr if he returned them to me or not. Ahhhh dammit.

Nak sms and ask pun he's stuck in the stoooooopid jungle. Field camp for 7 days. Wahlieeeeeeeewww!! 7 days sia!! 7 stooooooooopid days. Tooot. Tooooooot. Tooooooooooot.

I hate the feeling of noeing that my stuff is SOMEWHERE but i cant rmbr where. Gaaaaaaawd. I hate it. Now all i'll be thinking about is those earrings. I bought them in KL. And i swear i havent seen them being sold here. Ahhhhh dammmmiiit.

Nice blue earrings of mine. Tooooot. Toooooooooot. Tooooooooooooooooooooot.

And i have 2 pairs of incomplete earrings. Yesss. A big round retro one wif flowers and a heart shaped green one. Dia punye pasangan missing.

Eh macam aku jugak. Pasanganku tiada di sini.

Alaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Dis is freaking irritating i tell u. Toot. Tooooooot. Tooooooooooooooooot.

I was in a good mood earlier on so i decided to clean up my wardrobe. And now im in a bad mood simply becos my period is here. And i cant find my blue earrings. Waaahlaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways im not embarrassed by the state of my wardrobe anymore. It's clean already. Reali. Nice and clean and neat. And i've already put aside those clothes that i do not want anymore. They are still new by the way so i'll ask my mom to help me give them away.

I seriously have too many clothes. I counted and counted and realized... Even if Ansari and me meet once a week... he wun be able to see my entire collection of clothes. That means he wun get to see me in the same top twice.

And i gave 3 tops to Shaikhah just now. Cos they are too big for me. I dun think ive shrunk. Right?? No laaaaa. OK i have. A bit. A teeny weeny bit. And im still trying to put on a little bit of weight. Nanti Ansari marah and thinks i dun eat.

Sooooo i duno if Shaikhah will like those tops. If u dun... den do wateva u want wif dem la.

Will be meeting Nora to pass her stuff. Now what shld i wear??

Ehhh Abg Erza ni nak kene tau. I smsed him yday to ask where he bought his white jacket from cos Invisible Woman wana get it for her Mr Fantastic. And Abg hasnt replied!! Ok it's actuali already Thursday. Which means i smsed him on Tuesday evening.

Kentot ah!!

Dah la Monday cabut camp... Even if he's in camp, he can still sms peee. Kalau boleh call aku during evenings... takkan reply sms tak boleh?? Dun tell me he didnt receive my sms?? I cant be thaaaaaaat unlucky right??

Ala tak nasib la Invisible Woman. Only My Abg can look hot in that white jacket. Mr Fantastic cannot wear it k??

Bad mood go away. Pls. Go away. Go away laaaaaa pls. Go. Juz go. Juz go away if not im gona start crying again. Go pls. Go wif the wind. Go to the neighbour next door.

Juz go away laaaaaaaaaa.

Wekk

| 10/27/2005 12:49:00 AM

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I almost got KILLED last nite when Abg did that.

U see... he picked me up from Shaik's house. It was 945 and i had wanted to move my ass. Dennn my hp rang...

"Hello... Noreen eh...?" (like duh kann?? my hp peee)
"Hello... Yesss..."
"Kat mane ni?"
"Im at Shaik's house..."
"Bila nak balik?" (ehhh ape nii? ask me whn i wana go home?)
"In a while la. My mom dah call..."
"Ohhh okaaay..."
"Pick me up ah"
"Ah?"
"Send me home la. U come here"
"Shaik tinggal kat maner?"
"Sengkang"
"Block?"
"Blk 1**A"
"Ohhh Rivervale eh??"
"Rivervale ape Shaik??" (Shaik telling me in the background)
"Oh ok. Jap eh. I'll call u back"

So i assumed he went to ask Cik Bakar if he could use the car. Sooo around 5 mins later, he called...

"Hello..."
"Helllooooooooo!!" (ecstatic me)
"K... i'll pick u up... Blk 1**A kannn?"
"Yes"
"I'll be there 1030 k?"
"Okies. Thanks"

Sooo ya la. I waited. It was already 1040 still no sign of him. Nak balik laaaah. Partly cos i was tired from laffing non-stop while watching Hazami. U noe the fugly fella...?? OK nvm. I noe it's tak baik calling him fugly and dennn laff at him NON-STOP. Serious ok. I was going on and on and on. There was Shaik cepit-ing her makmur and i was juz laffing away. And i was excited at the thought of seeing Abg tooo. And also we were watching Incredible Tales wif Arif playing his techno songs.

Soooo Abg finally came and Shaik sent me down. I forgot to tell her... if she wana noe where Abg parks his car... ALWAYS strain ur ears for the sound of music. Ok not sound of music. Juz songs. U noe. LOUD SONGS. I think Shaik muz have gotten the shock of her life cos there was Abg in the car. Wif the doors and windows closed, and she cld hear the song.

Aaannnnnddddd when we opened the door.............

FUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Imagine u get blown away...

Golek golek

Sooooooo when u drive out of Shaik's carpark u can ONLY make a LEFT turn. Yessss. There's no way u can choose to turn either left or right. Unlike my house. Sooo i think... i THINK Abg didnt see that there WASNT a break on the pavement to allow cars to make a right turn.

So i ASSUME he THOT he cld go straight and dennn turn RIGHT.

Sooo kannnn u imagine la... sitting on the front passenger seat and seeing the car going STRAIGHT for the pavement. The kerb. But luckily Abg had quick reflexes and he turned the steering wheel. He turned it to the RIGHT.

RIGHT. KANAN. U NOE OPPOSITE OF LEFT??

He turned to the RIGHT and suddenly u see cars coming TOWARDS u. Driving at night and seeing car headlights coming towards u is one thing but noeing that those cars are seriously coming TOWARDS u is SCARY.

Mcm kat malaysia. Those old narrow kampong roads. Damn scary sia.

"Abg!!"
"Sori sori" (snigger)
"Kan u cld only turn LEFT"
"No ah. Turning left wld mean i wld have to go the long way. Make 1 round.."
"Apeeee?? Kan can exit to TPE"
"No. Nak jalan hougang"
"Okkkaaaayyy but u cldnt make a RIGHT turn at all tau"
(smile)
"Waaat?? U almost hit the kerb"
"No la. Never."
"I said almost!! And den u drove AGAINST traffic"
"Dah turn right peee"
"Yaaaaaah but..."
"Anyways i had to drive on the outer most lane cos cars were coming towards me..."
(wat outer most lane when there were like only 2 lanes? 3? bukan expressway pe)
"Sheeesh.."
"Correct waaat. Cars were coming dis way (started gesturing wif hands) so i had to drive in dis lane (gesturing wif hand)"
"But still..........."
"Alaaaaaaah. U can do anything on the road. ANYTHING as long as u dun get caught"
"Yelaaaaah tu"

Gawd. Scary shit sia. Luckily when Abg realised he was wrong, he managed to keep his cool. U noe how some ppl just fumble things up?? But it's scary la. Dah la Abg drive laju, so i didnt noe whether he had wanted to slow down or not. For a moment, i stopped breathing.

Dennn he said:
"Actuali kan i called u to tell u that i spent the day wif Syed Azmir (beams)"
"Noooooo!!!" (slapping his arms)
"Hehe. Betooool..."

Dennn he went into dis looong story abt how he had to send one of his men to CGH earlier during the day and the driver was Syed Azmir. Golek golek. Sooo they were stuck wif each other... Abg said Syed's funneh. Yuppp. Kaklar guy. In his own words:

"Syed tu kekek ah"

Golek golek

"Noreen buy a weekend car la.."
"FOR WAAAT??!!"
"Denn u can drive around and go anywhere u want"
"Yelaaaaah. Duit mane nak korek??"
"Ure the only child pe. Ur parents can afford"
"Hahahaha. Yelaaaaaah tu.."
"Betol pe"
"No laaaa. It's ok. I can use my dad's car. It's the same pe"
"Different ah. It's not ur own car.."
"Same concept laaa. If i get dem to buy me a car pun, dey pay. So technically it isnt mine..."

Golek golek

"Eh Abg.. sape nyanyi lagu ni??"
"Gigi"
"Title??"
"Andai"
"Ahhhh finally. Okies. Thanks."
"Eh kan Syed ade nyanyi lagu ni"
"I nooooe but i forgot the title and the name of the singer"
"Ohhhh. U nak Abg on lagu Jamal Abdillah tak??" (taking a jibe at Naeem)
"Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Golek golek

Dennn we talked a bit about Naeem la. Dennn we talked about the dinner in December. We talked about lots of things la. Very nice. And of all questions he had to ask me:

"Noreen... ibu marah tak u balik malam gini??"
"No laaaaaaa.. buat pe nak marah??"
"Kan when i called tadi u dah tell ur mom u dah nak balik??"
"Yaaah la. Den u called so takpe la.."
"Abg takot ibu marah..."
"No laaaaaaa. Wat for?? Ure sending me home peee..."
"But ya la. Kan dah 1 hr after u told her u nak balik..."
"Abaaaaaaaaaang... after u called i dah call my mom saying i'll be waiting for u to pick me up.."
"Ohhhhhhh ibu dah tahu laaaaaaa"
"YESSS!!!"
"So ure in no hurry to get home la ni??"
"Gaaaawd. Dun wori la..."

U noe... when Shaik smsed me and told me Abg was online, i was surprised. U see... i thot he was willing to pick me up cos he had plans to go out or smth cos afterall he was in dis very very nice white jacket. Abg looked super hot sia!!

Yaaaaaaaaaaa... the moment i opened the car door and saw him looking HOT in that white jacket zipped up all the way to his chin... i NEARLY lost my footing. Masok kereta tros terduduk.

(i seriously hope abg isnt reading dis)

So i was saying... when Shaik told me Abg was online... i was reali reali suprised. That means he went out at night just to pick me up and send me home. So touched. Heee. Betollll. I didnt expect him to do that. I just asked jokingly tau.

Dammit. Whoever ends up wif Abg is damn lucky sia. Suruh fetch at 2am pun he will be willing. Cravinf at 1 am pun he will layan. Dammit.

Aaaaannndddd when i got home, i received an sms from Abg..

"Oh i forgot... i have syed's number.."
"Soooo?"
"Just telling..."
"Wat can i do wif it?"
"Mane la tahu..."
"U dun expect me to just sms him like that kan?? Unless u intro me to him laaah"
"We're not close. Just camp mates..."
"Eh eh... will he be going for the dinner??"
"Nope... it's only for Specialists"
"Alaaaah. Nvm la. I alreadi have My Dark Knight =)"

Anywaaaaaayyyysssssssssssss...

Cik Yam punye brownies sedap. Haha. Yesss. Its funny u noe... Ansari and Abg.. both their parents have the same names. Cik Yam. Cik Bakar. Gaaaaaaaaawwwd.

Now im waiting for Cik Yam's pizza... Dis is Cik Yam... ibu Ansari and Nora tau. Not Cik Yam ibu Abg. Ahahahaha.

Sooo... one of these days... Hahahahaha.

Golek golek

| 10/25/2005 08:07:00 AM

Monday, October 24, 2005

It felt good... sinking my teeth into the Mushroom Swiss during sahur just now. It has reali been some time since i had anything from Burger King. So a very big thank u to My Sayang for coming all the way from Sengkang yday. Reali appreciated it tau.

Yday Ansari said.. he's the one who is supposed to layan my cravings but he can't do that now. So now i have to depend on Shaik. And Abg Erza. And God noes who else.

I think i must be thinking too much of Secret Recipe cakes that i dreamt of them. Ok not like the cakes but i dreamt that Secret Recipe came up wif their own range of ice cream. Yaaa. U noe like Ben and Jerry's?? Yaaaaaa. Ok nvm.

By the way, i've decided to put a comments page like Shaik. After this entry, just click on "Walk Wif Me" and u can leave ur comments there. Panjang pun takpe.

Yday after baking cookies, for like 5 hrs, my mom told me to take a rest. She actuali said that i shouldnt work too hard. I think it's cos i've been so unwell throughout the fasting month... So she told me that i shld rest till buka time.

Soooo while i golek golek on my bed, Ansari asked me wat i did the whole morning. So i told him la i helped my mom bake cookies. Dennn he said:

"Bagos. Tolong ur mom"
"Ehhh kan anak dara... mesti la tolong my mom"
"Tu la.. sape suruh jadi anak dara"

Toooooot. Tooooooooooot. As if i had a choice. But then again i love being a girl. I reali do. I wldnt wana be a guy la. I dun wana serve NS.

I'd rather be a gal cos i can be pampered
I'd rather be a gal cos i get to buy make-up.
I'd rather be a gal cos i can dress up.
I'd rather be a gal cos it's ok for me to cry.
I'd rather be a gal cos it's ok for me to merajuk.
And i'd rather be a gal... having Ansari in my life...

(let me warn all of u that today's post might not go well wif some of u)

Dennn Ansari told me that his mom was baking brownies. And he noes how much ive been wanting to try Cik Yam's brownies so i told him i wanted some. Then u noe wat he said?? He said i cant have them cos he wanted to eat everything up.

Go ahead la. Biar gemok.

But ya la. He told me that he will ask Nora to send it over. Soooo later Nora will be coming over wif the brownies. Ok now i feel bad that she has to come all the way here. Cos i duno whether it's cos she reali wanted to or cos Ansari told her to.

Soooooo later for buka i'll get to taste Cik Yam's brownies. Heeeeeee. Brownies made by bakal mak mentua ku.

Golek golek
Golek golek
Golek golek

Ok pls ignore that last bit.

I guess it's true... it's the little things that can touch a person. I was touched that Shaik came over wif the Mushroom Swiss and Cheesesticks.

And i was touched when Nora smsed me last nite to tell me that i'll be getting my brownies today.

I was touched by watever Ansari said.

And most importantly, i was touched by my mom. U noe... ive been praying real hard that i get my parents' blessings. It's not that my mom doesnt approve of Ansari. It's juz that she doesnt want me to get attached now. Not attached to any particular person cos she believes that i shld juz get to noe more guys. In that way, i wun lose out and get hurt.

U noe... when that happened... when my parents found out about me and Ansari, it was the lowest point in my life. Partly cos Ansari had to go off for NS and cos i felt that im big enough to be able to make certain decisions.

I noe im not an adult. I noe im still inexperienced about lots of things. That's why i said that i shld be allowed to make CERTAIN decisons by myself.

How can u control ur feelings??
How do u go about telling ur mom that this is what u have always wanted??
How do u go about telling ur mom that since u made the decison, u will handle things urself??

I didnt noe wat to do u noe. I was put through her constant naggings. Every other day, she wld talk to me about the matter. And i just kept quiet cos answering back wld just worsen things.

Soooooo on Saturday evening... we were baking and i was smsing at the same time. Dennn she said:

"Cepat buat, cepat habis. Dah tu blh sms Ansari"

I kept quiet only la. Cos i didnt wana acknowledge that i was smsing Ansari.

Dennn later into the evening, she asked me:

"Ansari in NS kan??"
"Yes"
"Dia kene ape?? Army??"
"Yaa"
"Kene pergi Tekong la ni??"
"Yes"
"Tempat Om Jas" (my uncle who is an officer there)
"I guess but not necessarily under Om"
"Sooo ni puasa... how is he??"
(waaaaat??!! am i hearing things???!!)
"Ehh i asked u..."
"Ohhh he's ok. Can cope..."
"Tapi puasa... dapat light duty tak??"
"No laaaah. The same. Cume they get like an hr's break during the day je"
"Ehhh?? Takde exception during puasa??"
"No laaah. Still the same. And recruits of other races not allowed to drink in front of them..."
"Ohhh... ok."

Soooo dennn yday she asked:

"Bila Ansari keluar??"
"Keluar??"
"Out of Tekong??"
"Yesss"
"Entah. Dec 6th i think.."
"Bila u nak jumpa dia??" (my mom doesnt noe that we buka-ed together)
"I duno la.."

Soooo yup. But i cld sense from her tone... that she was slowly accepting things la. So im glad. I hope my prayers will come true.

U noe... it's hard for me being apart from Ansari. I am naturally like that la. I miss ppl easily. Even sometimes when i go on holidays, i'll still sms the Kukuz. I'll call one of them up just to hear their voice.

Thus... it reali is hard for me. I noe he's not exactly thaaaat far but ya... it's juz hard la cos no matter how hard we try, we have to admit that things cannot be the same. For now that is.

I noe it's hard for him tooooo BUT i didnt noe how hard it was for him till i read his testi.

I just want the next 2 yrs to pass. Reali quick. U noe... im confident that 2 yrs down the road... Ansari will still be a part of my life. I reali am. I dun usuali say smth unless im sure of it. So yes.

Im very very sure.

Im glad Ansari was there to catch me when i fell. Shaik told me i was lucky. Guess i was. And still am. I feel blessed u noe that i have Ansari. I cant exactly put into words how i feel...

It's juz that... he makes me reali happy.

I still get this warm fuzzy feeling in my tummy each time i hear from him.
I still get butterflies in my stomache when he says smth sweet.
I still smile while reading his smses.
I still get excited at the thot of meeting him.
I will just jump for joy each time my hp beeps to the tune of Wake Me Up When September Ends

U noe... u dun get to choose... u just fall in love. And u get this person who is all wrong and all right at the same time. And it just works.

Sometimes, Ansari seems all wrong. He's laidback. He's irritating. He isnt as spontaneous as me. He's everything that im not. But at the same time... i realize it's these little differences that makes our relationship interesting. Its due to these little differences that we are spurred on to make things work.

And so... i cant wait for the next 2 yrs to pass...

If i had never met Ansari, i wouldnt have liked him. If i hadnt liked Ansari, i wouldnt have loved him. If i hadnt loved him, i wouldnt have missed him. But i did, i do and i will. Forever will.

I noe this entry might not go well wif some of u but...

I hope all of u can be happy for me. And Ansari. That's all.

| 10/24/2005 01:32:00 PM

Saturday, October 22, 2005

I do not noe wat is wrong wif me. Yes.

WAT IS WRONG WIF U AZREEN??

I want dendeng. AGAIN.

U see Abg Erza came exactly at midnite wif my dendeng. Yesss. Cos i bugged him for it yday and he gave in to me. Sooo seeing that it was already 10:30 pm and i heard NOTHING from him, i smsed him. I really cldnt help myself. So i said:

"Bluek. No dendeng? Bluek."
"Got ar. Im still at geylang. Sabar."

Dennn around 11:15pm he further confirmed to make sure that i still wanted dendeng.

"Yes. Pls. Hee. Thank u very much. Hee."
"Ok. I'll be there around 11:45pm"

So i waited and waited. I sat on the sofa, smack in front of the door. Just waiting for my hp to beep. Dennn just before midnite, i heard his car. Nyahaha. Dennn he called and told me to open the door. Nyahaha.

DENDENG!!!!!!!!!

U really shld have seen my face. I think i was smiling like a kerang busuk.

"Yay!! Thank u!!"

Soooo after asking whether my mom's asleep and all that, he left. And i saw a little bit of smile. U see... it's hard for Abg Erza to smile. I seriously do not noe wat's hidden in that mouth of his but ya... macam susah gitu for him to senyum. So when Abg smiles at u...

BE GRATEFUL

So kannn i brought the dendeng into the kitchen... 5 pieces. No wait. 5 very thick pieces and deliciously marinated. Betolll!! Sedap giler babi!! I do not noe which stall he bought it from. Very the sedap u noe. And tebal. And u wana noe wat the best part was??

Yelaaaah Az. Barang free. Mesti la sedap. Hahaha. But serious la. It was damn nice!!

I gobbled all 5 pieces in less than 5 minutes. Hahahahaha. In under 5 minutes, all the dendeng dah lesap. Gone. Ilek. No more.

And i felt so buruk cos dah la malam... i gobbled everything up in that short span of time. Macam tak pernah makan dendeng gitu. Wat to dooo... Kempunan waaaaat.

Thank u tau Abg. Saaaayng Abang.

And now... i want dendeng. AGAIN. Nak lagi.

I think i must be mad tau. Dah cukup-cukup Az. Dendengs arent healthy. And not cheap. They are oily and make u fat. And they shld be eaten in moderation. Ok not in moderation. They shld only be eaten once every few months.

So i want dendeng. Yes. AGAIN. And now i duno who to whine to. I want my dendeng laaa. Pls?? Anyone?? Pls?? I cant ask Abg to get it for me again. He will sooooo not layan.

Chocolate of A Thousand Leaves... Glad Nora liked it. Hee. I think there must be smth wrong wif a person's tastebuds if he dare say that Chocolate of A Thousand Leaves isnt nice. Nice is an understatement. It's like super duper yummylicious. Lazat nye tak terhingga.

Why am i blogging wif bits of malay?? Must be due to listening too much to Warna.

"Nama pendek saya Tat. Nama panjang... Tat Nenas..."

Golek golek

I wana be like Sharon Ismail. Can?? Den Ansari can take over Adi Rahman's place on TGIF. Boleh tak?? Can right??

I seriously like the way Sharon looks. U wun get muak from looking at her tau. She's juz... elegant. And i like her hairstyle BUT i do not noe if i shld attempt to cut mine like hers. If it doesnt suit me den how?? Nanti UGLY. Issshh. Takot ah.

Today on TGIF... they featured Secret Recipe. The host... Haz... went to the one at IMM. Wahliiieeewww!! Dis ALWAYS happens tau. When me and Shaik discover smth new... be it an eating place or watever... it appears on tv. Or in mags.

And thennn EVERYBODY will noe about it. Thennnn it wun be fun anymore. Tak best la gini. Copycats all of u. Bluuuuuuuuuek.

Can i have a slice of chocolate banana pls?? Juz ONE slice. Boleeeeeeeehhhh??

Im supposed to write Abg a testi but my browser has been on his Add Testimonial page since God noes when and not even ONE alphabet has been typed in the box. It's not that i do not noe wat to write for him... Juz that i do not noe WHERE to begin cos i have lots of stuff to say and everything's all jumbled up in my brain.

Right... the next thing im gona make Nora try is... Kebab J Lo from Beach Rd. And since she likes sup tulang too... i shld juz get that for her tooooo.

But not so soon ok Nora?? Wait till after puase... And wait till YOUR abang finally decides to move his lazy ass and accompany me to Beach Rd. Tak rela aku pergi Beach Rd to buy the kebab and having to order from Abg-Babat-Yang-Gatal-Golden-Monkey.

I shld be getting to sleep now. Nanti nak bikin kuih, ngantok. Habis air liuh meleleh into the adunan. Issssh. Sungguh tak hygienic. But that's wat makes the kuih all the more delicious and nutritious right??

CRAAAAAAAAAAP

Ehhhh... how to sleep on the bed when Nabilah has decided to sprawl herself diagonally across my bed?? Sheeeeeesh. From 9pm till now... she has conquered about 3/4 of my bed. MY BED.

Cant blame her la. She's tired i guess.

Nitez ppl.

I WANT DENDENG

| 10/22/2005 02:28:00 AM

Friday, October 21, 2005

Just got home.

Im seriously feeling very lethargic. Very exhausted. As if all energy has been zapped out of me. Together wif Nabilah, I returned Shaik her Philips hair watever thingy. Thennn she asked me how i was going to make my way home. So i said take cab la. Cos i was seriously feeling very tired. Dun ask me why k. Duuuunnn. I reali duno.

So here i am waiting for Nabilah to be done wif her math assessement. Thennn i will have to mark it. Make her do her corrections. Thennn explain things to her. Thennn tell her to pack her things and rest. I dun think i'll get to rest though. Have to clean up the house u noe.

Clean clean clean
Kemas kemas kemas

SolecehDotcom

I hate cleaning up. The only household chore i like doing is cooking. Yuppp. If u ask me to clean, or bake or hang the curtains or whatever... u will get a very masam face Azreen. Hahahaha.

But nvm la. Nak raya kan?? It's only right i do some cleaning up. It's better that i clean up now rather than at the very last minute and have my mom screaming away at me.

Tidaaaaaaaakkkk!!!

I wonder how many of u has actuali gotten the chance to take a look at my wardrobe... On second thoughts... i think better not. The moment u open my almari, the clothes will just spill out. I do not noe if it's a case of me having far too many clothes or is it cos i dun fold dem properly. I tend to just chuck my clothes into the wardrobe.

Ummmm... i think it's a case of both??

Too many clothes and chucking of clothes is a very very bad combi right??

Ya... i guessed so. I noe... i noe... i shld probably do smth about it but what's the use if it's gona get back to the same mess in a few days?? Tapi kan... buat malu je tau... orang tengok almari anak dara mcm gitu. When guests are in my room, i'll be too shy to open my wardrobe.

Hahahahaha

Sooooo this weekend i will have to help my mom wif the baking of cookies. Not that i help much anyway. I totally suck at baking. Reali. No matter how careful i am, smth will ALWAYS go wrong. Sooooo to be on the safe side, i'll help my mom only wif those cookies that i noe how to do. If not, i'll keep peace by sitting at the side.

Nanti kuih dia hangus...

Ive got 2 slices of Coffee Bean's Chocolate of A Thousand Leaves in the fridge. One is for Nabilah, the other one is for me. It is our reward for... for being good gals today. Hahahahaha.

And of course Nora has a slice too cos i bought one for her. Heeeeeee.

It's one of my favourite chocolate cakes tau. Even Starbucks' Warm Choc Cake doesnt match it. Nyahahaha. Ok now the image of the cake is juz flashing in my mind.

I hope... i hope smth good happens this evening. Yaaaaaa. I hope it comes true laaa. Pls?? Pls?? I reali reali want it. Pls?? If it reali happens, i'll be the HAPPIEST gal in the whole of Singapore. Yaaaaaa. So pls?? Pls?? Pls??

It's ok if u guys do not noe wat im talking abt. U will noe it when it gets fulfilled.

Abg Erza noes Naeem
Naeem noes Abg Erza

Seriously... Singapore is too small. Now Abg wana race wif Naeem just cos i told him that Naeem's driving style is too fast too furious. Except for his choice of song. Hahahahaha. So yday Abg labelled Naeem a faggot.

I wonder how close they are... Shld be alrite la. My abg is like thaaat. Sooo ya. Shld reali be alrite la.

Field camp. Did i hear the word FIELD CAMP?????

Wahliiieeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

7 days sia!! Buay tahan!!

Hahahaha. Ok ok. I sound like some ah lian. Stop it Az. Ure just cracking urself up.

Field Camp. No smses. No calls. NOTHING. Stuck in the jungle. Waaahhhlaaaauuu!! Unfair la. Toot. Tooot. Tooooot.

And since im Catwoman, i think i shld be able to camouflage myself reali reali well and venture into the jungle kan?? I can prowl around and make sure Batman doesnt get up to any nonsense wif the other guys. Hahahaha. Gotta make sure he remains straight.

Ok ok. I reali shld stop it alreadi. Im blabbering nonsense.

| 10/21/2005 02:46:00 PM

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Last nite... i sat down and got out my foolscap paper. And i wrote. And wrote. And wrote. All the way from after buka till midnite. I wrote away. Sooooo when i finally decided to stop... i realized ive written 13 pages.

13 full pages of stuff. Just general stuff. So good luck to Ansari when he reads it. 13 pages of crap and nonsense. That i dun think he's interested in.

Anywaaaaaaaayyyyysssss

I am so so craving for dendeng. Craving. Craving. Kempunan.

Just now kan i prompted Abg wif "I want dendeng". Denn he said: "Dendeng kat geylang. Bukan kat MSN".

Wahlaaaaaaaaaauuuu!! Macam nak sepak tau. And before he went off... he said: "Nitez and sweet dreamz (of dendeng)"

Tooooooooooooooooot

But i still love my Abg all the same. Abg Erza u raaaaaawwwwkk!! Even Ansari says ure nice.

Sooo Nabilah is here. She's sleeping over for the next few days. This is the first time that Nabilah is sleeping over my hse. I hope she doesnt cry in the middle of the nite for her mummy?? Pls eh. Wait i'll be sleeping and i have this 10 yr old kid wailing for her mom.

But nvm. I hope she doesnt do that la. She's big enuff. Besides it's Sister Azreen. Nabilah is used to Sister Azreen kannn?? Nanti sahur i wake u up k?? Hug Elmo to sleep k??

So i was at nenek's. And after buka... i puked watever i ate. Gross sia. Chicken. Sardine. Bubur kacang. Ewwwwww. And thennn my tummy started to hurt. Bluuuuek. So much for thinking that im ok for the past 2 days...

So now im too scared to eat. Again.

I want my Gucci pay laaa. Its been 2 months since i did the show and the cheque hasnt come in yet. Wahlaaaaaauuuu!! If i had known, i wldnt have agreed to do the show mann. And to think Ansari had to wait for 2 1/2 hrs cos the show ended late and we were held back in the narrowest of dressing rooms. From 7:30pm to 10pm.

And no food was given. So by the time the show ended, i was starving and i had to settle for some fast food instead cos all the decent food shops in town were closed.

Tooooooooooooooot

Ok. Breathe. I musnt be pissed.

Tmr is FRIDAY. Hee hee. FRIDAY. Lalalalala.

I WANT MY DENDENG

| 10/20/2005 10:42:00 PM

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I keep re-reading abg erza's testimonial for me. Although it got cut off towards the end... and i cant understand why cos his testi wasnt that long...

But despite it being cut off towards the end... the rest of his testi was enuff to plaster a permanent smile on my face. Yup. Since last nite. Hee. My Abg is the bessst. Beeeeessssssssssttttt!! He rawks!!

(nora is asking me if her bro is hot. hahahaha)

Ok i noe i shld return abg a testi too but not today laaa. I wana think of something nice for him tooo.

My abg is such a romeo. Nyahahahaha.

I love my Abg u noe.

And Shaik... the next time i nak stop chatting wif u, i put the rose icon ah. Mesti u suke kan?? Kan??

Abg bought a purple baju melayu. Purple siak!! Nyahahaha. I bet he's gona attract gays wif it...

Ok... i wanted to say... that...

I AM CRAVING FOR DENDENG

Yessss i am soooo soooo craving for dendeng. It has gotten reali reali baaad that i feel like crying. Ok i noe i shldnt be doing that BUT yaaaa... im seriously craving for dendeng.

Somebody get it for me?? Pls??

(nora offered to get me dendeng but tak nak laaa. malu)

Oooohhhhh... story time wif nora. She never fail to tell me some juicy details.

I want dendeng laaa. Pls. Somebody. Anyone. Get dendeng for me. I'll be glaaaad to pay u back the cost of the dendeng as long as i dun have to make my way to geylang.

Please??

| 10/19/2005 03:23:00 PM

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I have a headache. I reali do not noe wat's wrong wif me lately. Maybe i shld reali go back to the doctor again. But then again, she will say this, say that, chide me and then prescribe me some reali disgusting medicine and i'll be forced to consume them.

Not that i always eat my medicine anyway...

I'll eat them when... ummm when i get reali reali sick. Otherwise, the medicine will be left untouched. Sometimes it gets real bad till Daddy has to stand in front of me to make sure i swallow my tablets and then he will check my mouth and under my tongue to reali reali make sure i reali had taken my medicine. Sometimes he even checks my hands to make sure i didnt get up to any tricks.

The thing is, it has always been hard for me to swallow tablets. Reali. I juz cant bring myself to swallow them. I'll start gagging and end up vomiiting. So what's the use of taking the mdicine right??

Even cough syrups are disgusting to me. Eurgh!! Yuk!! The thought of the disgusting liquid thingy entering my mouth... Thanks but no thanks. TOo gross.

When i was younger, Daddy had to resort to all sorts of ways to make me eat my medicine.

Like wrapping the tablet in a huge bundle of bread thus making me think that im eating bread. Of course i knew what he was up to la but being a kid, i also thought that the taste of the bread will overwhelm the taste of the medicine.

But who am i kidding?? Tablets have always been bitter when u bite them. Or dissolve them in water. No matter what u do, the bitter taste will not go away.

So now... when it's reali reali necessary for me to consume tablets... especially lately cos i had to take paracetamol to make my fever go away... i tilt my head so far back, pull out my tongue wif my left hand and wif my right hand, i place the tablet riiiiiiiiiigght deeeeeeep inside.

Trust me. It's such a torture.

Anyways, on a whole different subject... i had a blast chatting wif Shaik and Toonie last nite. I think we were just so hyper that Toonie's brother yelled at her to shut up cos she was laffing away in front of the computer. Mind u, it was already quite late at night. And it does get kinda scary when u hear ppl laffing away at nite.

Soooooo i was chatting and chatting only to be interrupted by my mom.

She came into my room and started talking to me... about marriage.

MARRIAGE

U noe the process whereby u and ur significant other decides to spend the rest of ur lives together, under one roof... registering at the ROM. Buying a house. Have a wedding reception. Have kids and bla bla bla...

U see... she was telling me about Kak Ain. I think Kak Ain is getting married at the end of next yr and she wants it to be a grand affair. I certainly do not mind. I mean marriage is supposed to be a once in a lifetime affair, so it's only right for us gals to want it to be lavish and grand.

The thing is... Kak Ain will be graduating by the end of this yr. She is working at the same time so she does have enuff savings. Enuff but not exactly enuff cos she's been paying for her course fees herself.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

My mom somehow managed to selit bits and pieces of getting attached at a young age but not saving up. U noe mothers... they SOMEHOW noe how to make their way around and i reali am not dumb so i knew what she was getting at but i juz put on this nonchalant face cos i reali cldnt be bothered and right now i reali am not thinking much about marriage.

I mean yesss i do think of my dream wedding. Yesss i wld soooo love to get married to a certain someone but we can only go as far as planning kan?? Allah yang akan menentukan semuanya.

U see... since i do wana end up getting married someday, i will definitely save up. I'll put aside some money so by the time i decide to get married, i wun experience too much of a cash flow problem. And since i do think of my dream wedding, i do roughly noe how much i'll need to save up.

And if i reali cant save up enuff by then... then so be it. I'll juz settle for smth a little bit less expensive. I wun go around borrowing from others just cos i die-die want to have my dream wedding.

That's one issue

Another issue she talked about was... the guy. She didnt mention anyone in particular but if u had seen the way she looked at me... ok nememind.

She said... every parent wld want their child to support them first before deciding to enter the world of marriage and having to be responsible for another person.

So she said smth along the lines of...

Nanti dah keluar NS, he wld have to find a job. And when he gets a job, his first responsibility will be to his parents. His family. He will need to support them. So how do u think the parents will feel if he decides to get married shortly after he's gotten a job??

Okkkkaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy

Is that supposed to be my problem??

I mean... yes it's true. His first responsibility will be to his family. And of course im not gona stop him. Heck. Im not even going to be wif a guy who doesnt noe his responsibilities.

But then it will have to be on his onus to set aside some money for marriage right?? I mean it's his own money waaaaaat. He can do whatever he wants wif it. Soooooo not reali my fault right if he belanja me stuff right??

Goooooooooodnessssss

SO after that, i resumed chatting wif Toonie and Shaik but of course at the same time i was thinking about what my mom juz said.

The bottomline is... both parites need to be financially stable before they decide to enter the realm of marriage. For me, no matter how much i like a guy and no matter how i am dying to spend the rest of my life wif him, if both of us are not financially stable, i will not take the step forward.

This is a HUGE step we are talking about here...

(and abg mas juz prompted me at this very moment wif "Hey u" - toot tooot toooot toooot tooooot)

So back to what i was talking about earlier...

No matter how much we say that money shldnt be an issue in a relationship, it will still crop up. Even if u and ur significant other do not argue over marriage, somehow others will and it can be a pain in the ass.

Most of my frenz shld noe... that when i have found The One... i wld wana set up a joint account wif him. I seriously think it's safer.

I noe i shld be able to trust him... that he will save up BUT again we are talking about HIS money here. He can say he saves up monthly but he can also dig into that savings of his for some other uses. Like lending to a fren or getting a car or worse still...

MODIFYING THE CAR which i reali think is stupid. I am and never will be a fan of modified cars.

Sooooooo if we have a joint account, then both of us will put some money into it and NOBODY can touch it. No matter how hard up we are, we will NEVER touch it cos the joint account is meant for OUR WEDDING.

(now abg mas is sending me a pic of the gal he's going after. thank goodness he has some sense to choose the mly gal over the chinese one)

And im about to slap myself becos i have been telling myself that i shld merajuk wif abg mas cos he didnt attend our iftar and he didnt reply to my sms or his mom's but here i am chatting away wif him. Im reali no good at merajukking. U see even if i merajuk, i will still end up replying to the guy sounding angry and thennn without fail, i'll tone myself down and things will turn fine and dandy.

(the mly gal is sweet looking but now abg says that she is too far-fetched for him)

If only i can put my hand thru my laptop screen right now, out into his and give him one tight smack across his face!! I seriously think somebody shld teach abg mas how to be confident cos trust me, wif his looks and height, the chances of a girl turning him down on the first attempt is like ONE IN A MILLION. Well at least not until she gets to noe the real him...

Im not saying abg mas is a bad person... he is good. It's juz that sometimes he has issues which at times can be a bit too much to handle... so yup.

(yes abg i agree wif ur frenz that ure a wuss and a pussy)

OK fiiiiiiiiineeeeeeeeee. Argue wif me. Fiiiinnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I was juz giving u an opinion. From a gal. From a gal who sometimes wish abg mas isnt her abg sedare and puhleeeese eh... i noe how u feel abt me so pls cut the crap. I am taken. Sooooooo go get a life and MOVE ON!!!

See now im pissed. Im super duper pissed.

He juz asked me:

"If u were not my cousin. If u were a gal from SMU and i come up to u and say Hi out of the blue... and u do not noe me at all... wun u find it scary??"

Yes scary IF u look like The Beast or mat-mat bawah blok. And stop saying u will pee in ur pants... wat do u expect me to do?? BUY U PAMPERS???!!!

Right... so where was i?? Ohhh about the joint acocunt thingy. Soooo yaaaaaa. Since the joint account is supposed to be for OUR WEDDING, then the money shld be specifically used for that.

Juz think of it... wun it be easier?? I mean when u first set up the account, u do not necessarily noe WHEN u will get married BUT at least u noe when it's time... u wun be scampering about to come up wif the money.

Whatever that is related to the wedding, juz fork out from that account.

(yes abg... by perjumpaan raya if u do not do anything and juz continue to dream i wil smaaaaaaaacccck u upside down and i wun ever help u wif anything anymore. not even opinions!!!)

Right... i have juz lost my mood. I reali have.

How do u try knocking some sense into ur cousin... who is OLDER and who has been thru a longer period of a serious relationship wif a gal who was actuali wrong for him in the first place??

Ok so maybe that's it. He was wif the wrong gal for 3 whole yrs and cos of army, they broke up and even after he ORD-ed he fell in love wif his own scrambler so now he doesnt have enuff balls to even go up to a gal from school to juz say hi.

Cmon laaaaaaaaa. It's SOMEONE FROM SCHOOL. Not a stranger from the streets.

And why am i suddenly apologising to him for being rude??

Seriously tau Az... u shld learn to stand up to ur own abg sedares. U shld. It's true wat Shaik said... the reason why they love and adore me is cos im juz too nice to them. It's not nice to say that they take advantage of me.

In fact, at times when i reali reali want smth, i noe i can depend on them but sometimes...

OK i duno wat's wrong wif me. I soooo do not noe. It's not pms. Yet. So i reali do not noe wat it is.

Urrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im not getting married now. Ok?? No!! Im NOT. I'll probably seriously think of marriage like 5-6 years later. Soooooo puhleeeeeeeese juz this once...

STOP TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT

| 10/18/2005 05:24:00 PM

Monday, October 17, 2005

I was a budak hingus on Saturday.
Yesterday i was a budak hingus too.

And today... the situation is no different. Im still a budak hingus. Wif fever. And a painful throat. Ive been falling ill so frequently lately that im starting to get worried. My immune system isnt that weak is it??

I mean i do eat my veggies now. And i drink fruit juices. Sooooooo can somebody tell me why i've been under the weather since 2 weeks ago??

Bluuuek. It feels horrible. Not fun la. Sick. So juz now after sahur, i ended up curling under the comforter cos it was simply too cold. And last nite, it was too hot.

Bluuuuuuuek

Anywaaaays... last nite jianwei asked me if im free on this coming sunday. So i told him if he's thinking of meeting up, then cannot la. Fasting and my mom wana bake cookies AND i still have to teach tuition. Soooo he said he's having a bbq. His birthday i think?? Ya i think so laaa.

At downtown east. Sunday. Dennn i told him i cant promise anything la. Dennn he said since im fasting, den better not come. Soooo i said:

"Oiii!! Urs is a bbq waaat"
"Dennn u fasting waaat"
"Ehhh where got ppl do bbq during the day?? By evening time i can eat alreadi waaat"
"Oh yaaaa ah..."
"Siao"

Sooooo he asked me to ask the rest of the Kukuz if u all wana come but must confirm wif him cos he has to get the food ready. The thing is... i forgot to remind him to make sure that the food is halal. But i guess he will be inviting his army frenz as well kan?? Den surely the food will be halal...

But then again............. my mom wana spend that weekend baking cookies. Soooo if i wana court death, i shld ask her if i can go for the bbq...

(ok im seriously craving for dendeng when i just had it on Saturday)

That aside...

Yday Nabilah and Nadiah were fighting over my hp cos they wanted to sms. Correction. They wanted to help me sms. I dun think both of them noe how to sms. So i was trying very very hard to keep my hp out of their reach in the car. Wat happens if they sms rubbish??

Actuali today i wanted to blog about a certain Mr Lim. But then i suddenly am feeling lazy. I feel like rambling away. Talking nonsense. But then again im getting tired. Malas.

Like seriously damn malas and my fever is making my eyes heavy. Berat.

Im at Nora's blog now and i suddenly feel like having Canadian Pizza for buka. Nora... do u noe that i was the one who ordered the pizzas for u?? Ur abang was sooo pemalas that he juz placed his hp on my ears and forced me to order for u all...

It's been raining and raining and raining. No fun. I like the sun. I like sunny weather. And ive not gone to Sentosa for quite some time alreadi ah!!!

Ok im reali getting sleepy. Cannot stand it alreadi. I shld just stop updating here.

This isnt much of an update anyway.

Anyways ppl... im getting married in 5 yrs time. U all start designing ur bridesmaid baju la. Heeeee.

| 10/17/2005 01:12:00 PM

Thursday, October 13, 2005

If only u cld see my pillow now. It's wet. Soaking wet. Try to make an attempt to wring it. Im sure u'll get enuf to fill a jug or two. Ok that's a tad exaggerating but u do noe wat im getting at right??

Even the top of my srjc pe tee that im wearing right now is wet. U noe. Basah. Wet. The sleeves too. Try to perah la. Confirm ade air keluar.

U see... i felt a little bit better after buka cos i took panadol. Then when i got home, maybe due to extreme exhaustion, i juz collapsed onto my bed, still draped in my jeans n white halter n green capelet. I fell into a deep slumber only to be woken up cos my tummy started to hurt. Badly.

It hurt horribly that no matter how much i rolled about on my tummy or no matter how hard i tried to find a position to lessen the pain, nothing seemed to work. It didnt help that my parents were already asleep and Lulu smsed me wif juz "hahahahahahahaha" all the way without spaces.

No offence Lulu. I was glad to hear from u. Juz that it was at the wrong time.

So there i was, clutching my tummy. Thennn i saw a beeeg lipas. Fine. It was dark and i heard a noise coming from the side of my bed. I got scared and mustered up enough strength to finally turn the lights on and i saw the damn ugly, highly gross creature.

It disappeared to God noes where and i got scared. Reali scared cos i suddenly imagined a beeeg giant cockcroach attempting to murder me while i sleep.

Sooo i started crying. Due to exhaustion. Due to fear. Due to the pain in my tummy. and suddenly... Suddenly i started sobbing...

I sobbed so hard that it's a wonder my parents didnt hear me. I sobbed so hard into my pillow. I sat on the edge of my bed and juz sobbed away.

The last time i sobbed this hard was 6 yrs ago. 6 yrs ago in July when it finally hit me that my beloved great grandmother was gone. For good. Into another world. Into a better place.

This time around, it's not becos i lost someone. It's becos...

Suddenly all i wanted was Ansari
Suddenly i wanted Ansari to be by my side
Suddenly i felt so pathetic
Suddenly i wish i can kidnap Ansari from Tekong
Suddenly i wish 2 yrs will just pass quickly

I noe i shld be strong. The past few days, Ansari has been nothing but very attentive. He's been smsing me just to make sure im ok. That im fine. That im eating well. To check whether ive got a fever. To ask after my gastric flu. To make sure ive eaten my medicine.

It's touching. Im honestly touched by his efforts. I guess whatever i wrote in the letter 2 weeks ago brought us closer. Even further.

How do i be strong when suddenly i find it hard to handle things?
How do i be strong when i just sobbed my night away?
How do i be strong when deep down inside i feel myself crumbling?

Ansari has been such a wonderful guy. True, there were the occasional hair-tugging moments and he-pissed-me-off-so-i-nak-merajuk moments... but that's part and parcel of a relationship right?

Toonie said... she doesnt believe in the saying: No guy is worth ur tears. I agree. The fact that the guy made u cry, it only means that he means something to u right?

The past few days, i've been telling Ansari that i'm alrite. That i'm fine. I haven't exactly been feeling well but i told him that i have my frenz. My cousins. My family who can take care of me. I tried to sound cheerful...

The truth is... i didn't want Ansari to worry about me. At all.

Here i am... being able to golek in the comfort of my own room. As for him... he's stuck in Tekong. Sleeping on a disgusting single bed wif only 1 pathetic pillow. And having to go through the month of Ramadhan doing God noes watever training, and missing out on buka-ing wif his family and the terawihs at the mosque, the last thing i wld wana burden him wif is news of me being under the weather.

Im sure it is as tough for him as it is for me.

I wish i can go to Tekong right now and tell him that 2 yrs will pass quickly
I wish i can be by his side right now...
To listen to his complains
To be there for him
To be his pillar of strength

I long to see him. I yearn to see him. I wonder how all those wives feel each time their husbands leave them for overseas. Sometimes it feels as if Ansari has gone to war and here i am awaiting his return.

(i guess that's a tad exaggerating too and i wldnt want Ansari to go to war cos trust me, i'll be a complete wreck)

I hate the army. I hate the fact that it has made Ansari so thin. I hate the fact that it has made Ansari so tired. I hate the fact that i have to wait for sooo long before i can go on a proper date wif him again.

It feels pathetic u noe cos i believe u dun have to wait around for ur bf to ask u out. U can juz meet him anytime.

I want my old Ansari back. The irritaing Ansari. The one who looks at me tenderly and not through tired eyes. The one who tries to scare me each time im watching Incredible Tales. The one who layans my crap. The one who juz listens to me while i whine away. While i talk away. While i ramble on and on. The one who makes sure my cravings are attended to each time i suffer from pms...

The one who says i have a cute nose...
The one who says i have nice eyes...
The one who is always tucking my messy hair into place only to have me messing it up all over again...
The one whom i wana cuddle up to...
The one who makes me feel secure...
The one who always assures me that things are gona be alrite...

The one who i used to see every week...

I juz wana spend a few precious hours wif him. I dun get to see him every week now and im fine wif it. Juz a few precious hours...

But right now, im missing him so much, i duno what to do. Becos there's nothing i can do. I noe crying wun help but the tears are juz flowing. Freely.

I'm typing all these from the bottom of my heart...

What i feel for Ansari is true. Is sincere. Ive never doubted my feelings for him. Ive never doubted his feelings for me.

Meeting him was fate. Fate that Lulu and Toonie cld persuade him to watch an S-League match despite him having his exams. Befriendng him was a choice i made. I wanted to get to noe him.

And now i realize... Loving him is beyond my control...

When i first met Ansari, i was shy. I was afraid to talk to him. When i finally got to noe him, i was afraid to like him. In the end i did. Our frenship blossomed. When i started liking him, i was scared to fall for him. And now that i've fallen for him, i juz dun wana lose him. At all. I juz wana hold on to him and not let go.

He made me believe in my heart all over again. He made me trust my feelings. He made me realize that i can finally let my guard down. He managed to tear down all these walls that i had built around me.

I do not noe what Love is. All i noe is... if it's wrong to Love Ansari, then i wldnt wana be right. For the first time in my life i'd rather be wrong cos ive found my true happiness.

This is what i reali want. I hope it's the same for him too...

| 10/13/2005 02:04:00 AM

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I juz got back from next door. Eh next flat. Haiyah the flat next to mine. Azian's grandma called and asked me to take lauk. Juz when i thot i shld juz lie down on my bed, hoping for my headache to go away.

She gave lots of food. Putu piring, jenganan, popiah, mee goreng, pengat pisang and... and... other food la. I cant rmbr. But like got lots of food like that. When she packed the foodstuff into the plastic bag i juz stared and commented:

"Nek gayah... banyak nye lauukk. Tak habis la. Kita 3 org je. Tak boleh habis"
"Takpe. Amik je. Sini pun takde org makan"

Soooo i wanted to go home quickly tau cos i had a headache. Dennn as i was about to step out of the gate, Azian's grandfather said:

"Noreen (that's wat my family members call me) gemok"

Wahlau!! Damn pissed sia. My blood reali went upstairs. Seeeee i juz told Shaik and her instant reaction was:

"IS HE BLIIINNNNNDDDDDD?????"

I can juz imagine her face. Hahahahahaha. So i juz gave her datok a fake smile and went off. I smsed Azian abt it. She juz told me to laugh it off. Sori la babe. No offence to ur datok but i think it's a bit disgusting that he says im fat each time he sees me.

Wahlau!! Here i am trying to gain my weight back cos Dr Wong juz gave me a big dressing down and he had the cheek to say im fat?? FAT???!! It's juz reali reali gross la.

Nememind

Looks like im gona get my bear afterall. The cute little bear that i've been eyeing at Parkway Parade. Well Shaik's eyeing it too but for me i have someone to buy it for me. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Ala. Baru $30-$40. Bukan $500. Since my beautiful catwoman nak, i belikan la.

Golek golek

Being able to sms Ansari for 2 hours straight is indeed a luxury. Heeee. Best. I reali miss those times.

Nora cakap kecik kecik Ansari notti. Sometimes they gaduh sampai use pisau. Violent nye. And Ansari loved to drill holes into the wall. Yup. He will use anything sharp to just poke into the walls. Even his mom barang jahit pun jadi. And the neighbours always mistook him for a gal. Hahahahahaha.

Im looking forward to seeing his passport photo. Nanti Nora nak tunjuk. Muahahahaha.

Right. Ive got a throbbing headache and my body is aching and my throat hurts. Gotta rest ppl. Nitez...

| 10/11/2005 08:41:00 PM

I juz ate my Sumatran Coffee Cheesecake. It's seldom tau u see me eating at this time of the nite BUT since i bought it from Starbucks juz now and seeing that the markout date is 12th October, i reckon i shld juz stuff it into my mouth.

The coffee was kinda overwhelming. I like coffee but i dun like Sumatra coffee beans. Kinda bitter. I prefer American Mocha Java. The coffee beans taste fruitier. Ummm if ure wondering how come coffee beans can taste "fruity"...

Ummm i also duno how to explain la.

U noe out of all the cheesecakes... and i mean plain cheesecakes, i am so in luv wif Mc Cafe's cheesecake. Yup. Their cheesecake is so damn delicious. Juz the right amount of cheese. Wun make u feel muak u noe.

And as for New York Cheesecake... i like the one from Secret Recipe. The layer of chocolate is juz enuff.

Ok anywaaays after i ate my cheesecake, i decided to weigh myself. I have to do it cos the doctor told me to do so. It's not cos im so free and i like to see my own weight. Certainly not.

Soooooo i took a look at my weight...

Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! Im gona get a scolding from the doctor tau. Granted it's the fasting month BUT normally i dun lose weight when i fast la. Well not this drastic anyway. Soooooo im gona get into deep shit.

Nememind

Ive been nudging Noreen every half an hour. U see ive been online since 8pm juz now and she prompted me asking if i was gona be online long cos she needed my help. So i thot it was smth REALI REALI impt tau. Like she badly needed my help. Ok la she did but a bit kaklar.

Cos Noreen is staying up till late to revise her work. So im supposed to send her nudges occasionally over msn juz to check on her. And to show that she's still awake, she will reply me wif "OK". So if u bother looking at our chat screen, it's juz Noreen saying "OK" all the way. Every half an hour i send her a nudge.

See im such a gd fren. I do such things for my frenz.

Cmon ppl... that means i deserve BEEEG BEEEEEEG BEEEEEEEEG prezzies on my bday. Yup. HUGE GIANT PREZZIES till i need one beeeeeeeg lorry to transport my prezzies home.

Im glad... i have frenz... who are wiling to juz listen to me. Who are willing to make me laff. Who are willing to tolerate my ramblings. Who are willing to juz be there for me. Every step of the way.

I felt pathetic today. Eh wait. Dah Tuesday so that means i felt pathetic yday. Nememind.

Watever it is... i felt so so so very the pathetic that i started complaining to Noreen on msn. Ive nvr complained much to Noreen tau. But i reali needed someone to talk to and seeing that Shaik wasnt online, i only had Noreen to talk to.

Sooooo i felt pathetic and tired that when i met Shaik at tamp... i juz let her ramble and amuse herself. And Shaik was so very the sweet. She pretended to be my bf tau. She asked i nak makan ape for buka. Whether i wanted smth sweet. Smth chocolatey. She looked around for dessert shops.

Very the sweet la. Tak boleh tahan. Shaik was saying that she wld make a gd bf cos if she's a he and she has a gf, she will go to anywhere in singapore juz to satisfy the gf's craving.

Which is true la. Shaik's like that u noe. She's very accommodating. Very spontaneous. Very understanding. Ok so maybe NOW she's sweet. Hahahaha.

And no. I dun wish for Shaik to be my bf no matter how she makes a gd bf cos my bf is good enuf. Heh.

My bf tak lokek
My bf tolerates my crap
My bf gives in to me
My bf satisfies my cravings (for food and NOT other things)
My bf calls me Beautiful

Did u all juz puke reading all that?? Sori la. Like i said, i reali reali miss Ansari so very the much that all i think of is him. Well not like 24/7 but yeah... i think of him sampai termimpi-mimpi.

Hello!! I told Abg that i miss Ansari and i was going on and on and he called me lovesick and miang.

Wahlau!! Felt like smacking him tau.

(eh syikin juz prompted me to ask abt abg. muahaha)

Syikin!! Take my Abg laaa. Taaaake hiiiim. I think he needs a gal. Badly. Ok he din say that la. Im the one saying it for him cos i think my Abg is very the sweet. No doubt he has issues BUT u noe... the right gal can make the issues go away... Heh.

Eh eh... in wat way was he a romeo?? Blog a bit abt it laaaaaa. Hee. Im damn curious mann.

Wat did i reali wana blog abt??

I wana thank Noreen for listening to me.

I wana thank Shaikhah for cheering me up. For juz rambling and rambling. For all those outrageous wedding ideas. For wanting to pay Ansari $100 to pop out of the wedding cake.

Why not u pay him $50 to pop out of my birthday cake?? Im sure $50 means a lot to him looking at his pathetic ns pay...

I shld stop before i ramble any further...

Doctor Shaikhah said...

I lack my Vitamin A...

Yeah...
I need my Vitamin A
I want my Vitamin A
I miss my Vitamin A
I didnt realise how essential my Vitamin A is to me
I wana hug my Vitamin A

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

| 10/11/2005 12:20:00 AM

Monday, October 10, 2005

These are the faces of 2 reali hyper girls in bus number 60...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

And this is the face of a reali reali happy lady...
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

The weekend has been wonderful for me. Actuali very happening la. Like i said in my previous entry, i was glad that most of my cousins turned up for the buka. Except for Abg Mas and Erzat. But im more pissed that Abg Mas didnt turn up but yet he didnt reply my sms... or his mom's sms.

So tak baik kan?? So now i tak nak geng Abg Mas tau. Even my mom said not to geng him. Muahahaha. Nak merajuk sikit ah. Ahahahahaha. Like he will care...

Soooooooo i went to bazaar geylang for the first time. It's alreadi a Monday so technically i went to bazaar yday la. The thing is... it was totally unplanned.

Shaikhah My Sayang came over. She bought me dis reali nice butterfly necklace wif earrings. White. So they match wif anything. Yuppp. Very the nice. Thanks Sayang. So juz now she singgah my house in the late afternoon la. Dah la she cldnt get a single sms... she turned up right smack at my doorstep...

Sedih la no cheesecake from Mc Cafe... Hahahaha. Ish melebih pulak Azreen.

Soooo seeing that her mom wanted to meet her at geylang and it was kinda late, i told her to buka at my place la. I like having ppl to buka at my place. Beats the monotony of juz buka-ing wif my parents.

So ya la. We were so excited abt wat happened on Saturday and Sunday morning.

Cant believe she menggigil when she realized she had a testi from Abg Erza. And that wasnt the best part tau. The best part was... she didnt even see that i was online and she smsed me:

"Az. Abg Erza wrote me a testi"

Wahlau!! Damn funny sia. I was juz waiting and waiting for her to realize that i was msn. Waiting for her to prompt me...

Walking in the bazaar with my friends and coincidentally met this sweet looking gal.. have always seen her in pictures (thanks to Azreen).. A gal with a really sweet smile.. Hope ur friendship with Azreen lasts and dont u ever bully my cousin.. Haha. Cheers!

Wahlau!! Shaikhah is sooooooo not sweet ok!! That is so salah. Not the right word to describe her. But then again Abg doesnt noe her. YET. I emphasize on the word YET cos...... ok nememind.

But very sweet la. Abg actuali mentioned me. So sweet. Muahaha.

So that was that la. I thot no more surprises for the day. All i did was... well i kept re-reading the testi la. Mcm tak boleh percaya gitu. And Shaikhah actuali menggigil.

Macam the way my hands menggigil when i wanted to take the pic of Shaik and TM. Damn funny mann. I mean this is Shaik tau... Shaik menggigil??? Wahlau!! Damn funny sia!!

So towards buka, me and Shaik went downstairs to buy drinks la and roti burger cos ayah goreng burger. Then kan we were juz talking and laffing. Talking and laffing. Thennnnn we established some connections.

U see i knew Abg knew Syikin Chan Meiling cos they were from the same sec sch. So it wasnt a surprise that he knew Emil and her husband, Fahmie, cos we were talking abt it on Saturday.

Thennnn si Shaik tu... she gave me another connection...

Since Abg was from Temasek Sec... that means he noes Naeem toooooo!!

Wahlau!! Imagine us buying drinks and suddenly getting excited. Wahlau mann!! Imagine the scenarios la...

"Ehhh Naeem... my cousin is seeing ur cousin tau..."
"Erza... ur cousin is my cousin's gf eh??"
"Ansari... Abg Erza noes Naeem"

Ok nememind lor. That was fine.

Thennnn i read Syikin's reply to my tag on her blog...

Wahlau!! Terperanjat beruk aku seh!! I mean... that is such a coincidence. Gooooddddneesssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dah tak boleh tahan. Luckily i went to her blog after buka alreadi. Juz imagine me and Shaik sprawled on the floor... staring at the laptop screen and re-reading syikin's reply. Wahlau!!

Then nememind lor. It's ok.

Sooooo Nora was online and we chatted. Me and Shaik took turns to chat wif her. Sooooo i found out some stuff la. Actuali very nice and sweet stuff. So after i found out about the stuff... i juz baring on the floor beside Shaikah and smiled at her. Heeeeeeeee.

Den got nothing to do... So i decided to follow Shaik to geylang la. We went out at 9pm. Got a call from Mariam and she confirmed her attendance for December. Yippee Yay!! Yay!! Soooo funnnnnnn. She's gona go there under a pseudo name. Nememind. I dun care. As long as u go Mariam...

Den we boarded the bus to geylang. Sempat seh amik gambar.

So upon alighting at geylang, i juz held on to Shaik. Tak nak lepas. Takot hilang ah. Den nak cross the road pun Shaik tak tahu gunakan jejambat ataupun traffic light. Banyak dangerous. Aku masih mahu hidop. Aku masih mahu kahwin. Aku masih mahu have sex..............

Muahahaha

Sooooo met up wif Shaik's mom and her NS boy. Shaik calls him pengsan. Damn selenge guy u noe. But kesian la. He had to deal wif 3 mad women. Ahahahahaha.

Sooooo i told Shaik that i was hoping to bump into at least one person that i noe. Eh i think my mulut masin ah. I bumped into Ronald Susilo Tak Jadi. Actuali he didnt see me tau but i PURPOSELY tapped his shoulder.

PURPOSELY becos i was in purple and i looked so nice in purple so i simply HAD to do that so that he can take a good look at me after 2 yrs. Muahahaha.

So now Shaik noes how he looks like in person. Short but cute... Kannn?? Ahahaha. Pakai baju melayu pulak tu. Baju kurung biru. Ehhhh i like the Hari Raya song by Johari Johar... Sepasang kurung biru...

Dennnn we also bumped into Ilyas. As in we saw him from afar la. Den luckily he saw us. So i waved. And he smiled and gave the peace sign. So cute.

And we saw dis guy who looks like Andi. Hahaha. But it wasnt Andi. Maybe it was his younger bro.

And when we were at AC Collections, Shaik re-enacted the scene when she saw Abg. Damn funny sia. Reali kaklar.

And si Shaik tu... told her mom that i shld get matching baju raya wif Ansari. So her mom kept teasing me la. And she kept pointing out to me baju wif labuci la. Baju yg berkilau-kilauan. Yang macam pengantin punye. Yang newlyweds use when they go sembah menyembah. Damn embarrassing u noe!!

Ok den 11 pm alreadi. Time to balik. Soooo we walked all the way to Singapore Post cos that was where Shaik's mom parked the car. Then right... me and Shaik were walking behind Shaik's mom and her NS boy. Quite a distance apart. And got this beeeeeegg lorry. So Shaik's mom and the guy decided to hide behind the lorry and turned one round so they will appear behind us instead. But of course i saw them doing that la. But so funny.

Thennn in the car kan... that Pengsan guy drove la. As we entered my carpark, i commented that he's selenge but in a cute way. I said that in malay. Den Shaik's mom told him not to kembang. Den i said nanti seluar dalam terkoyak.

Den me and Shaik juz laughed and laughed. The poor guy didnt noe what we were talking about cos he's chinese. Then after i alighted, Shaik explained it to him. Den he said he wana go home and cry cos his seluar dalam koyak.

Ahahahahahahahahahaha

It was a good weekend...

And i think... i think...

I love My Batman

| 10/10/2005 01:16:00 AM

Sunday, October 09, 2005

My Batman is home. I mean he booked out yday at 1130am. When he told me on Friday nite, i was happy. Then when he finally booked out yday...

I think i was the happiest person on Earth

Hahahahahaha

Its amazing right what 1 sms can do?? Yuuupp. Then during tuition i was smiling away tau...

Anywaaaaaaayys... My Shaikhah Sayang bumped into someone whom i noe very very well at bazaar geylang. She called me to tell me abt it but i was asleep. Yaaaa i fell asleep at 930pm while lying down beside nenek on my bed.

Ehhh i hadnt slept a wink since 3am tau. Then i had been running around the entire Saturday so very exhausted laaa.

Soooo when i woke up and smsed her to ask why she called and what did she get for me from geylang... she called me back. Hahahaha. Funny la the way she and Abg Erza bumped into each other. Such a coincidence tau.

Cos Abg and family was over at my hse for buka. In fact the rest of the family was here laaa. Very fun tau. Very nice. One beeeeg happy family. My family may not be as beeeg as Lulu's but we do get very kecoh. And noisy.

So i think when it comes to Lulu's family... it muz be like super duper noisy.

(i do not noe why but im thinking of things)

Anyways, i wanted to say that after buka, i showed Abg my pics la. The ones taken during Salam Aidilfitri. Den he told me that Syed Azmir is a driver in his camp. Wahlau!! When i heard that, i started smacking his shin. Nak smack his thigh or arms tak sampai cos he was sitting on the sofa wif both legs up and i was seated on the floor in front of him so the nearest i cld get to was his shin.

So ya la. I think he muz have been thinking im mad for getting excited over Syed Azmir. Hahahahaha.

But very sweet la. Abg actuali asked:

"So u and Batman dah ok??"

Kaklar la. He refers to Ansari as Batman. So cute.

Thank u for bringing the kebab tau Abg. 2 pulak tu. Cant finish la. Nanti in a while, i'll be having ur kebab for sahur. Eh ur kebab sounds salah. Ohhh yaaa... next time tell me laaa when u nak visit Tekong. Then u can help me to kirim salam to My Batman. He's in whiskey company. BMTC School 2. Whiskey company. Hahahaha. Macam kucing pulak. Macam His Catwoman. Hahahahahaha.

Ok ok. I shld shut up.

The thing i wanted to say was... it's juz a coincidence that i showed him pics and in the same evening he bumped into My Sayang. I think if i didnt show him the pics, he wldnt have recognized her and he wld have this gal juz staring and staring at him macam nak makan. Hahahahaha. Then he will stare back. Or run away macam The Flash.

Ehhh Shaik... who approached who first ah?? Sori ah. Again cos i was too tired, nothing registered into my head. I cant rmbr what u told me.

All i can recall is... u find him better looking in person (does that mean good looking as well??). And now My Sayang is volunteering herself for December. Muahahahaha. Volunteering for what u may wonder...

Eh ade laaaaaaa. Its btwn me and My Sayang.

I told Abg abt the part that Shaik found him better looking in person. Then he asked me if she had forgotten to bring her glasses for smth. Haiyoh!! Take it as a compliment laaa. Esp when the compliment comes from her. Shaik has good tastes. Muahahahaha.

Ok i do not noe why i bothered blogging abt that cos Abg doesnt go to my blog. At all.

Lulu cakapkan... Semalam i lawa maut. Hahaha. Thanks to Syikin la ni. Im forever hearing new phrases from My Dearie. Tapi takpe. Funny and cute la the phrases. Never fail to make me laff.

So Lulu... purple is sooooo my colour kan?? U didnt tell Ansari abt it eh when u passed him the letter?? Baju yang lawa ke orang dia yang lawa?? Ahahahahahaha.

I fell asleep while smsing Ansari. I fell asleep twice on him. Hahahahaha. So tired la. But i sempat ask him how much he dah save den we can get married alreadi.

Hahahahahaha

Den he said, if he nak kahwin dgn i, kene save banyak banyak. Savings tak cukup laaa. Duit NS had to use for paying for the repairs of the computer at home. Tapi takpe. Now duit repair dah bayarkan?? So can start saving to get married alreadi.

Hahahahahaha

The things that go on in my head...

Shaikhah always say i deny things... Oh well...

Eh dah nak dekat sahur. Kene prepare the food. Then can wake my parents up.

Sori if i keep mentioning Ansari in my post today. I miss him loads laaa. I reali reali dooo. And im juz plain happy that he's booked out. At least he's home. His bed. Cik Yam's cooking. His tv.

Kesian kan all these NS boys??

Got to go now...

I lub the Kukuz but i lub Ansari more!!

Hehehehehehehehehehehe

| 10/09/2005 04:05:00 AM

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I wana thank Lulu Dearie for last nite...

I wana thank her for listening to me. For giving me a different perspective on things.

Sometimes its hard to communicate directly to a person. Its tough cos u noe u will only end up breaking down in front of the person. That's how im feeling right now. Im not being all egoistical by not wanting the other person to see me breakdown and cry. I just do not want this person to worry. At all.

Sometimes its good to have a go between. U noe... the middle person. A middle person whom u can trust... with all ur life and ur heart and soul...

Lulu Dearie...

I cant thank u enough. I dun like complaining to u abt stuff cos ure just so fragile. So gentle. So sweet. And for very obvious reasons, the last thing i wld wana do is to make u feel torn.

Thank u once again for being there for me. For just listening. Its ok to not provide me with solutions u noe. Its ok to not be able to help my situation. Listening to me was good enough.

It certainly is a load off my mind now that u noe how i feel deep down inside...

I hope u believe in me. I hope u believe in him. I hope u believe in me and him. In us.

Sometimes... a particular word might come off too strong. Sometimes u hear it coming from another person and u duno whether to believe it or not.

But what happens when u find urself saying those words??

I duno. I noe nothing at all.

All i noe is...

Lulu Dearie... whatever i told u last nite... that this being it... that this being the ultimate one... and whatever u said to me abt this being the last one for me... i hope it comes true.

Cos i reali reali want it so badly. Im putting a lot on the line here. The wrath of my parents. The fortress that i built around me has crumbled. I do not want a fortress at all.

All i want is a castle... that i can live happily ever after in...

(i certainly do not noe wat analogy that was and i do not noe if any of u understood that but the words just came out like that)

Feelings... u reali cant control them huh?? Guess when it's time to let go... it IS time to let go... and im doing all that... im letting myself go completely...

Lulu Dearie... this is gona be tough for me... but for u... for toonie... for shaik... for him... and for myself... im gona be strong and persevere. Im not gona give up. I give u my word.

Right... my nose is running away. My mucus is flowing. It's a sign... im falling ill. I need to get back to sleep. Ya. Pls let this just be a case of not enough sleep. I certainly do not want to fall sick.

| 10/06/2005 06:07:00 AM

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Daddy has gone to do despatch... WITHOUT ME. How nice. U see i like doing despatch. I like helping my aunt wif her work stuff. Bcos i get to meet all kinds of ppl during despatch.

The rich
The not-so-rich-but-pretend-to-be-rich ppl
The u-look-at-the-state-of-their-flat-and-think-they-are-not-rich-but-u-are-so-wrong
The ugly
The cheekopeks
The hensem

And mereka mereka yang sewaktu dengannya

Hahahahaha

Juz on monday... we went to this flat at tampines. The guy is a service engineer. Waaah when i called him, he sounded so sexy. So i assumed he juz got up or smth. And thennn when i finally got to see him in person, not only was his voice naturally sexy, he was sexy too. In a pair of army shorts. Ahahahaha. Ok ok. Army shorts can be sexy... depending on who wears it...

(I wonder if Ansari looks sexy in his army shorts.......)

*snaps back to reality*

Soooo ya. The brudder was cute u noe. This coming from someone who doesnt even give chinese guys a second look unless he is reali reali eye candy. Dennn as i stood outside and waited for him to fill in the form, he surprised me by coming to the gate again and offering me a can drink.

That was the first time ever that i was given a drink while doing despatch. So sweet right?? But i guess he's newly married la. Cos i saw those red chinese letterings pasted on the bedroom door.

Juz the other day, i had to go to this condo all the way at Pending Road. Pending Road is located near... umm... near Bukit Timah?? Ehhh no. Choa Chu Kang. Ehhh no. Wait wait. Let me get this right... Aiyah... near the Assumption English School.

Sooooo the person was a filippino. Cute tau. Reali cute filippino guy. If only he wasnt married... i wld have tried to flirt wif him. But can tell he's reali in love wif his wife... judging from the photos that i saw in the living room.

He has 2 reali cute lil gals. Yup. Bianca is 3 yrs old and her elder sis (i cant recall the name) is 4 yrs old. Soooo while waiting for him to be done, i ended up playing wif his kids. Waaah. Reali very cute tau. Mcm nak kidnap. Betol. I played balloons wif them. I pretended to call them on their fake hps. Muahahaha.

Sooooo after he was done, i waved them goodbye. Then they said:

"Bye Azreen"

Muahaha. I didnt think they wld rmbr my name when i introduced myself. Then their Dad said:

"So u have made a new fren today"

So cute. So cute. So cute.

Now im stuck at home. Ok la. Have to go out once im done wif this but ya. So sad right?? He could have brought me along waaaaat. I noe la im supposed to go to nenek's and tutor Nabilah and then buka there but but but...

I've been up since sahur just so that u will bring me tau Ayah. Sanggup tak tido sebab takot Ayah tak kejut.

Oh nememind

I was at Bedok Library on Monday. Minding my own business. Reading this totally hilarious book by this indian author. Yup. She was reali funny la. Thennn i noticed 3 lower secondary school boys hovering near me. They were talking quite loudly. I was getting irritated but i didnt do anything la. I mean they were afterall immature lower secondary boys.

So i continued reading my book tau. Totally engrossed in it. Thennn i was interrupted again... not by them talking loudly u noe... but by one of them who actually came up to me to berkenalan.

*smacks forehead*

Gaaaaaaaawwwwwd. Were they like blind??? I mean i obviously look older than their age waaat. I mean... I duno la. Cmon laaa ppl. It's me u noe. ME. I sooooo dun look younger than 20. Gaaaaaawd. And im turning 21 in a few months!!

But ya laaaa. It was gross. I dun think i look young... so i guess those boys muz have been feeling horny or they reali reali fancy older gals which is such a turn off. I mean if the boys were let's say 21 and they prefer older women, im fine wif it tau. But they were lower secondary boys.

Eeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

So i juz said i wasnt interested and proceeded straight to the Quiet Reading Room.

Ehhhh dah almost 1130am. Have to wake Shaikhah up. Wait she will be late for school.

"Why am i feeling like this?? Can somebody tell me?? Can she tell me?? Can he tell me?? Can u tell me?? Can God tell me??

I believe... God wun put me through hardships that i cannot handle. He wun test me beyond my limits. I noe for every problem that i face, there are others wif far bigger problems than me. I noe for every hurdle that i'm able to get through, i'll be a stronger and more determined person. For every step that i take forward, i'll be one step closer to achieving my dreams. My aspirations. My goals. My wishes.

And if i work hard enough, i'll get there right??
If i work hard enough, i'll achieve my goals right??
If i work hard enough and show to God how much i REALI REALI want it, He will eventually give it to me right??
If i noe i've worked hard enough and done my very very best, i should be patient right?? Afterall patience is a virtue right??

But God noes wat's best for me and maybe i shoudlnt reali hope for too much or worry too much and accept things as they are right??

Tell me... am i petty for always getting upset over the same issue over and over again??
Tell me... am i unreasonable for wanting things to be done a certain way??
Tell me... am i not being understanding each time i merajuk??

Im petty because the issue has been discussed over and over again so i certainly dun get it when it always crops up...
I cant be reasonable cos i've already made myself clear, thus a promise is a promise...
I cant be understanding cos i wasnt given time to understand...

Do u noe how it feels like wanting the support of one particular person but she isnt willing to provide u wif that?? Im not asking for anything materialistic. Instead she tells u to do the exact opposite. She tries to be manipulative and all the more u're adamant about wanting to do things your own way. Can u identify that feeling??

The thought of giving up has ever crossed my mind. Just giving up on everything cos perhaps things will be easier. Not complicated. PERHAPS.

But then again, that's not wat i want. That's not wat i want at all. Cos it will certainly be stupid of me to give up on things just like that. I will only end up hurting myself........."

I penned those thougths down on Sunday night. I stopped there cos it got too painful to continue.

So yup. I hope all these will make me a stronger person... cos...

I noe wat i reali reali want. And i will work towards it.

Together u and me... we can work towards it...

| 10/05/2005 11:04:00 AM

Monday, October 03, 2005

Us before we left Shaik's house for mediacorp

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Pretty pretty Us

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Eh Az.. senyum la betol betol.. tak menjadi la..

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Ini baru lawa (Raz Raaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzz)

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Minah bunga mana yg sesat niii??

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Az: Eh i want Syed Azmir *giggles*
Shaik: Tu dia dah keluuuaaarrr. Hensemnyeee *gasp*

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Oh oh oh... Dun lick me Shaik!!

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Shaik: Alahai... Khairul Anwar!! Aku cinta padamu!!
Az: Dia dah start la tuuuu

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Az: Hee hee... i tink pozi smiled at me... jambu sangat la aku mlm ni...
Shaik: Yelaaaaah tuuuuu

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Az: I noe im jambu but why u look at me like that??
Shaik: I want to makan u!!

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U wana shoot me?? Tak takot...

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Az: Syed Azmir marry me!!
Shaik: Khairul u are the lub of my life!!

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Kita nak jadi samseng. Pagi raya curi duit budak budak.

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Hmmm... Dun tink Batman will be happy seeing u lying on my shoulders Shaik...

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Ade cabutan bertuah untuk 2 tiket penerbangan ke Iraq?? Reeeeeeeaaallllyy??

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Shaik: *gasp* We win Az?? Kiter menang?? Jom amik hadiah!!
Az: *hee* Malunye naik naik stage

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Our flowers nice or not??

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Az: Shaik i think i wet the seat from too much laughing
Shaik: Ya... me too...

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We gave up after 2 tries of trying to smile like Rahman

| 10/03/2005 01:09:00 AM