((** My Life..My Love..My World... ** ))..

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

URGH!! the humid weather!! haven't been able to sleep properly.. kept trying to find a good spot on the bed.. the coolest spot.. so ya.. basically kept tossing & turning.. IRRITATING.. so i resorted to sleeping on the floor.. it was actually nice to sleep on the cold hard floor..

ok ok.. i know some of u are dying to know abt yday rite?? haha.. actually i'm too lazy to talk abt it.. no wait.. i'm too lazy to blog nowadays.. wat's de use of blogging anyway?? i mean.. yeah.. i update ppl abt my life.. and i can release wateva vent up frustrations i like.. but it wun lift me to higher grounds.. it wun ensure a stable future.. it wun get me ANYWHERE..!! ok.. STOP IT AZREEN.. dun let de humidity get to u..

so........... i met up wif rahman yday.. i shall skip de part abt how we actually agreed to meet up.. too lazy to elaborate on it..

oh fuck it.. i'm too lazy to elaborate.. all the conversations.. we watched a movie.. ate.. went to buy liza's gift.. and umm.. we bought the same eau de toilette.. haha.. yes.. it's unisex.. so rahman & me now have the same ones.. like miss gan & wei tong perhaps?? did a lot of walking & window-shopping.. so neeta.. u can't go on dates with rahman.. u'll be complaining all de way.. and ya.. we took a pic together.. all i haf to say is.. luckily he didn't dress up that much.. if not i wld have fainted.. haha..

i wld elaborate on de itsy-bitsy details some other time.. when i feel like it.. when i haf the time.. but i did haf a nice time.. HEE..

~the end~

| 3/30/2004 07:40:00 AM

Saturday, March 27, 2004

WOO!! I LURVE DIS SONG!! haha..

ok shake.. i hope by dis time u already haf internet connection.. haha.. eh.. imagine HIM dancing to dis song.. yeah.. HIM.. u know who i'm referring to or not?? de one who is making me cair rite now.. haha..

dammit.. de image of him strutting his stuff on de dancefloor.. AHHHHHH!! yessssss.. i'm going nutzzzzz.. and it doesn't help that my parents are working.. it's very dangerous for me to be alone at home rite now.. cos.. i seriously dunno wat i'll get up to..

dammit shake.. dammit.. dammit.. dammit.. the wkend seems to take F-O-R-E-V-E-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R to pass!! URGH!!!!!!! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

ok shush azreen.. u're supposed to keep ur mouth shut!!

~CAIR~

| 3/27/2004 03:42:00 PM

Tmr is abang benn's convocation.. finally that ass is graduating.. u know.. during convos u only save seats for ur imeediate family members rite.. but he's saved seats for me & my parents.. the thing is.. i dun think my dad is able to get out of singapore.. cos of work related stuff.. so there'll be no one to drive us there.. to johore that is.. and.. ya.. I WANNA GO!!! cos i wanna see how his gf looks like.. but at the same time.. i can't bear the thot of meeting his frenz.. cos.. well.. *shudder*.. so now.. i dunno how to tell him that there's a possibility we wun turn up tmr.. URGH!!

But other than that..

~CAIR~

| 3/27/2004 10:09:00 AM

Friday, March 26, 2004

~CAIR~

| 3/26/2004 11:34:00 AM

Thursday, March 25, 2004

I found out from shake yday that we have been shortlisted for a 2nd round of interview.. and i was laughing like mad when i heard it.. it juz goes to show that the company really lack qualified ppl.. i'm not saying that me & shake are very incredible.. but.. haha..

Anyways.. the day turned out to be bad.. BAD BAD BAD.. initially i was too tired & lazy to turn up for the interview.. but out of politeness i went in the end.. and as i was too tired.. i took a cab down to tanjong pagar mrt.. and it was raining.. so me & shake had to walk in the damn rain in our skirts & heels.. we only had the TODAY newspaper to cover our heads.. and when we reached the Apex tower.. this guy said: "Takde payung?".. i mean like DUH!! i juz exclaimed: "Payung kat dalam hidung aku!".. to which shake also said: "The umbrella is shoved up ur ass!!".. haha.. and we were shivering inside the office.. then they made us watch a documentary abt biomagnetism.. which was ok la.. quite interesting.. after that.. they had a presentation by one of their staffs..

I tell u.. i've heard enuff bad english for the day.. and that woman.. she ended almost every word with an 'S'.. yes lulu.. if u recall hows u's sometimes speaks likes thats.. URGH!! and she talked for dunno how long!! i mean isn't it basic common sense that u get someone with a proper command of english to do a presentation.. if not it juz spoils the image of ur company.. then after that.. they brought us into a room & told to wait for our turn to be interviewed by the guy from the HR dept.. and we sat there for almost 45 mins and dat fella continued yakking away in his office.. they said he was busy.. then me & shake gave him till 2:45.. if we still didn't get called in we wld leave.. so we left at 2:45.. told them we had another interview to attend.. and they actually told us to come back tmr for another interview!! WHAT THE HELL!! WE ARE NOT COMING!! FORGET IT!!

Anyways.. shake had a headache.. and both of us had not eaten since morning.. so off to sakura to eat..

Heh.. something really really nice happened.. i'm not gonna divulge anything.. only shake knows wat it is.. but i dun wanna jinx it so i forbid her to tell anyone abt it.. so.. heh..

Anyways.. all i can afford to say now is:

~CAIR~

| 3/25/2004 05:47:00 PM

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

We reported for work super duper early yday.. the receptionist told us to wait at the couch.. this gal who has been working for a wk approached us.. after we found out wat we were supposed to do.. and after we saw.. umm.. some ppl who actually applied for the job.. i looked at shake.. shake looked at me.. when the receptionist had her back facing us.. we scooted out of the door.. ran down the steep stairs as fast as possible.. haha..

After that.. we walked all the way from outram to city hall.. yes.. passed china town.. walked by clarke quay.. fullerton.. esplanade.. city link.. then hopped on the train to bugis.. ate at banquet at raffles hospital.. oh ya.. something funny happened.. cos me & shake were sitting down right at the corner.. waiting for our food.. and this HUGE grp of police guys came & sat a few tables away from us.. i think they were ns guys.. men in white.. haha.. and i tell u.. there were more than 12 of them.. then me & shake went to take our food.. as we were walking back to our table.. the ENTIRE grp juz stared.. FULL FORCE.. can u imagine.. more than 12 pairs of eyes staring at u.. and they didn't bother to do it discreetly.. but luckily they didn't make lots of noise to attract our attention.. it was juz harmless INTENSE staring.. haha.. besides they are in uniform.. can't do anything wat.. but they were actually very cute & gd looking u know.. except for maybe 1 or 2.. but.. too bad la..

Went for a job interview after that.. they pay us cash daily.. $60-$100.. which was very attractive.. but.. nah.. we decided not to turn up for training today.. cos the nature of the job was unclear.. and the guy wasn't willing to explain to us.. and today.. went for another interview at apex tower.. tanjong pagar.. umm.. both of us applied for admin or human resource.. but.. i dunno la.. even if they call back & decide to hire me (for some strange reason i feel that they wld hire us cos well we actually speak better english than their staff).. i dun feel like taking it..

Oh ya.. went back to sch today.. as we were walking in.. we bumped into.. WEI TONG!! haha.. but today he tak layan us sangat la.. no fun la.. cos he was going home.. and nigel went home already.. so.. nothing much to see.. and mr teng had a class.. do u guys know that they start selling ice kacang in the canteen already?? it was quite nice.. oh ya.. we talked to yana.. suman.. and nisa.. and mr zaihan.. WOO HOO!! haha..

Ok.. i've got a tuition assignment.. will be teaching siblings.. one is sec 1 normal.. the other is sec 2 express.. eng, math & sci.. hopefully i can still rmbr my lower sec sci.. and i'll be paid $250 for 8 lessons.. twice a wk.. each lasting 1 1/2 hrs.. pretty excited abt it.. and the agency said they'll give me more assignments.. if i do get a reasonable amount of students then i wun bother looking for a job anymore..

Life has been mundane since i got back from malacca.. sigh.. and today i came across something.. i mean.. it isn't there anymore.. it has been taken down.. and yup.. it made my heart ache.. serious.. didn't realise that having a pic taken down cld hurt so much..

And like i was telling shake.. i juz feel like spewing out expletives at this particular subject of mine.. i know i've been cussing a lot lately.. but i think if i were to bump into this certain subject of mine.. i'll be both mad & upset.. URGH!!

And like i was telling shuqing last nite & dis morning.. if it was meant to be a joke.. then it's VERY CRUEL..

And if i were to tell my cousin.. that's it.. all hell will break loose..

| 3/23/2004 07:41:00 PM

Monday, March 22, 2004

HAd an absolutely fantastic time at malacca.. cos rite.. i went mif my aunt.. my parents didnt go.. and trust me.. being wif my aunt is like being hanging out wif a couple of ur own buddies.. although she's approaching 40, she's still young at heart.. and very understanding towards my feelings.. so no sweat ah.. i can dress anyhow & she will not scold..

Anyways.. u know.. by the time i abang benn reached malacca from work, it was already close to midnite.. and of course i was already asleep.. and that idiot juz came into the room & threw a bolster at me.. u know.. those huge heavy ones.. *OUCH*.. it hurts u know!! he kept insisting i wake up.. i juz told him to shut up & let me sleep.. wat an ass!!

And he went to meet his frenz.. and only came home at 4.. so the next day, he was too tired to layan me.. he was being such an ass u know!! and for being an ass, he had to be punished.. heh.. i made him buy me a top.. haha.. thot of asking him to get me a top from padini.. cos he juz got his pay.. but nvm la.. juz a sleeveless top from chic avenue will do.. and he has a new car.. oh ya.. we wanted to cross the road.. but it was very heavy traffic.. i was standing beside him & he was busy yakking away on the phone.. so i started whining: "Abang!! Kereta banyak ni!! Sampai hati u nvr hold my hand.. wat did my mom say to u??".. and he put down his phone & said: "Ala budak ni..".. And i said: "Eh u bawak anak dara org tau..".. haha.. so he held my hand & we crossed the rd together..

Shake was telling me not to be like neeta.. dun worry la.. even if i haf a crush on him.. it's like brotherly love only.. i've always wanted an elder bro.. so.. yup.. nothing serious ah.. i juz need someone whom i can manja-manja wif.. besides he has a gf.. but i wldn't be surprised if he has a crush on me.. haha.. ok.. CRAP!!

Actually i've got lots of things to say.. but i've gotta leave for work now.. meeting shake at 8:45.. and i think i'm gonna be late.. but nvm la.. work starts at 9:30 anyways..

Hope i wun be too busy to update when work starts.. meanwhile.. enjoy this song by my fave pop band in the whole wide world..

| 3/22/2004 07:57:00 AM

Friday, March 19, 2004

HEEEEEEE.. after much persuasion & whining.. abang benn is coming back to malacca!!

Haha.. actually it only took 3 smses to get him to say yes.. wat to do.. he loves me mann.. initially he said he dun wanna come back.. but i made him change his mind.. so he'll be rushing down from pahang after work tmr.. heh..

Ok peepz.. i'm off to malacca already..

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..

| 3/19/2004 08:12:00 PM

this post is for MISS TAN SHUQING..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE QUEEN!!

woo!! 19 already ah.. how does it feel mann?? OII!! pls act more grown up ok!! stop acting like a brat.. like u urself said.. u're THE QUEEN.. and if u want ppl to respect u, u muz be on ur best behaviour rite??

but since today is ur big day.. u're allowed to misbehave.. heh..

ok ok.. let's get on to the serious stuff..

i really really treasure our frenship.. it's amazing how close we are in the space of 2 yrs.. and like u said.. we're going into the 3rd year already!! WHEEEEEEEEEE!! haha..

how the heck did i get stuck in a relationship with u??

we argue a lot.. we irritate the hell out of ppl.. we are noisy in public.. we fought wif our fork & spoon while eating nasi lemak.. we sang to our hearts content while taking the bus to changi.. we ran in our heels from far east to orchard mrt..

u FORCED me to take tissue from the guys' toilet in j1.. u kept touching my ass each time i wear a g-string.. u had to smell my hair during math lecture.. the band president muz haf thot we were lesbians.. i had to put up with ur consatnt squeakings.. i had to put up with ur VERY frequent toilet trips.. i had to give u constant wake up calls during our revision for the A's..

i suffered a lot in ur hands u know..

haha.. but i still love u all the same.. hope we'll remain frenz for eternity..

speaking of which.. i wonder who u'll end up marrying.. i know u haf no lack of suitors.. i told u to pick choose but u dun want.. and me being the wise one shall decide for u.. so future candidates will haf to get my approval.. altho i already haf one in mind..

i think u know whom i think is right for u.. c'mon mann.. do i need to spell his name out?? if u're thinking of matt.. NO WAY!! NOT HIM!! he's got too many cousins in the zoo & night safari.. i mean.. u're THE QUEEN.. u deserve the best!! so yup..

anyways.. the suitable candidate i haf in mind is.. *drumroll*.. WIWIN REDNANYA!! haha.. i know when the 2 of u walk in the streets u dun look compatible.. i mean u're THE QUEEN.. and his dress sense is unique for someone his age.. but.. he's RICH!! i mean his dad is a big shot & stuff.. and he's a gentleman.. he's sweet.. he plays badminton.. wat more cld u ask for rite?? forget wat i said abt farid's frenz being asses.. i meant it as a joke.. and WIWIN is a MAJOR EXCEPTION.. i know he's not a hunk.. but.. believe me.. he'll provide u wif eternal happiness..

ok.. i can imagine ur reaction rite now.. u're scowling.. ur nostrils are flaring.. ur toes are laughing.. ur fingers are wriggling.. but being the self-appointed confidante & advisor to THE QUEEN.. i beg of u to heed my advice..

haha.. oh boy.. i can't believe i juz said all that.. heh..

but seriously.. no amt of words can express how greatful i am to haf a fren like u..

U ARE.. MY FIRE..
THE ONE.. DESIRE..
BELIEVE.. WHEN I SAY..
I WANT IT THAT WAY..

U.. U LIGHT UP MY LIFE..
U GAVE ME HOPE..
TO CARRY ON..
U LIGHT UP MY DAY..

lalalalalala.. ok i better stop before the sky darkens.. and i dun wanna make u cringe wif my awful singing..

lastly.. a flying kiss from the urban titorse to the mountain titorse..

MUACKZZZZZZZZ

LOVE U MY DEAREST HUNNY BUNNY!!

| 3/19/2004 12:18:00 PM

today's test didn't go to well.. i didn't create any major blunders.. but.. oh nvm.. it's not the end of the world.. will attempt it again..

anyways i was a nervous wreck last nite.. didn't eat.. cldn't even watch ami.. i was freaking out at the last min.. suddenly i was unsure abt lots of stuff.. wanted to ask my dad but decided not to..

so i did the next best thing.. i asked irfan.. haha.. i smsed him some qns.. then he called me.. we did some last min revision.. and chatted for a while.. actually the last time i cahtted with him was.. umm.. abt a yr ago?? can't really rmbr..

but.. ya it felt very comfortable chatting with him.. he's one of those few guys who can actually carry out a decent conversation.. and looking at how long it has been since we last talked, it was surprising we got on quite well..

i dunno if irfan is reading this.. but..

looks like it's not my turn yet to drive u to sentosa.. next time k?? but i will need to use ur car.. for now.. heh.. how abt u driving me around instead??

oh ya.. i cld finally shit.. abt 30 mins ago.. haha..

POOOOOOOT!!!!!

oh ya.. wun be around for the wkend.. will be off to malacca.. again.. GROANS!! i'm so sick of that place.. and my cousin wun be able to come back.. i'm gonna be sooooo super bored.. and u know who else is going?? abang mas & his family.. i hope abang mas wun probe abt wat happened between me & faizal..

but like wat i was telling shake last nite.. singapore wld be flooding anyway.. so might as well i get away.. and i hope malacca wld be sunny enuff for me to get a tan.. will be putting on tanning oil wherever i go.. call me nutz.. but.. i wanna get a tan.. heh..

ok i'm gonna pester abang benn to come back to malacca!!!!

| 3/19/2004 12:03:00 PM

Thursday, March 18, 2004

WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

went to meet shuqing & she gave me my very belated birthday gift.. haha.. u all muz be going: HUH??

cos she & the rest of the gang shared my birthday gift.. the pierre cardin bra with flower sequins.. but as usual shuqing will always get me a separate gift.. cos.. well.. we're very close wat.. so.. hee hee..

SHE GOT ME THE MATCHING PANTY TO THE BRA!!!

haha.. luckily i didn't buy it.. but that woman.. she took dunno how long to give it to me.. according to her, she bought it on the same day that she bought the bra.. but she juz kept forgetting to give it to me.. even when we met.. so.. haha..

but.. i dun have the heart to use it.. cos.. it's so nice & pinky.. will juz keep it.. heh..

and yeah.. i gave her birthday gift as well.. heh.. a very nice big watch.. its silver.. like wat she said in her own words: It's so me.. haha.. and if she ever scratches it.. i'll cry.. cos she's fond of dropping her watch.. i was contemplating whether i really shld get her a watch..

KUKU U BETTER NOT SCRATCH IT!! USE IT ONLY ON SPECIAL OCCASIONS i.e. WHEN U'RE OUT ON DATES WITH ME.. AND IF U EVER SCRATCH IT DUN LET ME KNOW..

oh that idiot.. she didn't haf time to write me a card.. so when she came, she took out a piece of paper to write me a note.. and she kept telling me not to peep.. crazy gal!!

oh yeah.. been sitting in the toilet for the past 1 hr but i can't seem to shit!! it's very uncomfortable cos i can feel the shit is at the tip but it juz refuses to come out!! haha.. ok ok.. that was gross..

gonna sit in the toilet again.. WOO!!

| 3/18/2004 06:50:00 PM

This atomic kitten song has lots of significance to me.. the lyrics that is.. so for those of u who know how much it means to me.. well.. kudos!! for those who dun.. juz enjoy it..

Lalalalala.. i got a $100 Bods & Bodynits voucher.. HEE.. my uncle came yday.. it's supposed to be my super belated birthday present.. and since he didn't know wat to get me.. he thot the voucher wld come in handy..

Now.. my uncle is very knowledgable abt technology & stuff.. so yday he showed me how to use the infra-red function on my hp.. haha.. didn't know it was THAT easy.. he juz bought the 6220.. DAMMIT!! i've been wanting that phone since last yr.. so after taking a pic of me yday he juz transferred it to mine thru infra-red.. haha.. VERY EASY.. heh.. dun need to send mms.. and he juz bought a canon digicam.. the pics damn clear!!

AHHHH!!! i wanna buy sooooo many things!! dammit.. dammit.. dammit..

And speaking of dammit.. shld i bother touching on the subject?? the one abt ppl i know with "dammit smiles".. haha.. oh forget it.. too lazy to talk abt it.. but.. hmm.. i tink shake & lulu knows.. rite??

Oh ya.. talked to afian yday.. umm.. okaaaaaaaaaay.. he's quite.. umm.. ok?? haha.. actually he's very easy to talk to.. quite a conversationalist.. but.. like shuqing was asking: Were there any sparks?? of course NOT!! haha.. serious.. altho he's hot & stuff.. but.. NOOOOOO.. and he actually invited me to sentosa on fri.. hang out wif him & his frenz.. cos they'll be pitching a tent.. SIAO AH!! but u know.. he called me more than 5 times yday.. and if i didn't ans his calls or sms, he said i'm stuck up.. i mean.. wat the hell?? IRRITATING!!

| 3/18/2004 07:06:00 AM

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

The thing is..
I dunno if i shld feel touched..
If i shld feel elated..
Or if i shld be mad at u..
5 words..
That's all..
5 simple words..
No explanation.. nothing..
Those 5 words meant a great deal..
But for now..
I really dunno wat to do..

| 3/17/2004 03:32:00 PM

It was a futile attempt - we didn't get our tans afterall!!

Me & shuqing had planned to tan ourselves yrs ago.. ok.. since we were in j1.. but we didn't get around to doing it.. and since she's having a break from work.. we decided to get a tan at sentosa.. actually.. the nite before.. both of us were contemplating whether it's a gd idea.. we thot it was insane!! haha..

Anyways.. we went to mc cafe first.. supposed to meet at 10 but that woman was 45 mins late! i really wanted to show shuqing how andi look like.. but he wasn't there.. it's the gay fella again! so yup.. had breakfast at macs.. and i made shuqing order my food for me.. she got served by jerry beanie.. haha.. u know.. the chi chi guy from mc cafe.. umm.. and shuqing told me that she saw the gay fella leaning over trying to take a peek at me in macs.. HAHA.. SIAO AH!! he's gay!! but he did come into macs several times.. then we bought some stuff at united sq & off we went to sentosa..

When we reached the beach.. it was SUPER crowded.. wat to do.. hols wat.. and half the sky was dark & the other half was bright.. we walked & walked till we got to this place called warong something.. warong pantai i tink.. i had teriyaki chicken burger set & shuqing had the beef combo.. so while we were eating it started to rain heavily.. like seriously heavy till the roof collapsed!! haha.. ok ok.. a part of the roof collapsed.. luckily we weren't sitting there.. but the poor ppl sitting there.. there was a sudden gush of water.. and the roof was leaking.. water came down thru the aircon holes.. and thru the lights.. cracks started to form.. me & shuqing were so disappointed.. we really wanted to get our tans.. so we kept hoping that the rain wld stop quickly & the sun wld come out..

So finally the rain stopped.. we went to the toilet to change.. and sprayed some suntan oil on our body.. found a spot that wasn't so crowded.. and the weather wasn't hot at all!! irritating!! actually i felt like a kuku sitting there hoping to get a tan.. haha.. but.. quite fun la..

The things me & shuqing got up to.. actually we decided to read our bks there.. but it was hard to concentrate.. cos too many things were going on.. firstly we heard some terrible laughter.. from a grp of guys.. haha.. it turned out they were trying to push each other off the platform into the water.. we were juz laughing at how silly they were.. then there was this chi gal with 2 indian boys in the water.. the gal & one of the boys looked like a couple cos they were hugging each other.. anyways.. there was this one time the guys started running from the beach towards the sea then did a somersault.. haha.. and this grp of mly guys.. doing dunno what.. they held hands & stood in a cirle in the water.. then simultaneously they submerged themselves in the water.. and this guy in super obsecene yellow shorts cldnt stop scratching himself.. he & his frenz ran into towards the water.. but before he went in, he let out a scream.. i mean.. wat the hell?? and he picked up something from the sea.. maybe some weed.. and put it on his head.. and this guy wif luminous ball.. haha.. and he had to carry the ball at his crotch.. so when he went past us i told shuqing he has luminous balls.. haha.. and there were 3 guys sitting a few feet away from us.. they dun look like locals.. anyways.. firstly they were old.. then 2 of them decided to strip into their swimming trunks.. it was OBSECNE.. cos their tummy was spilling put of their trunks.. then wif their goggles on, they walked into the water & started swimming.. i thot they wld swim over a distance.. but no.. they swam for maybe like 10m then they got off the water..

Oh.. actually.. there were no hunks.. except for this one guy.. i noticed him cos his body was HOT!! he has six pack!! haha.. shuqing saw him too & shared my sentiments.. first he walked past us.. alone.. in his grey & red shorts.. he talked to his fren.. shuqing was excited cos she thot he had a caucasian fren.. haha.. oii kuku!! his fren dyed his hair la!! haha.. then the 2 of them walked past us.. they disappeared from our view.. then some time later.. i saw them.. haha.. i told shuqing that they had nothing better to do but to walk along the beach to & fro.. i admit i cldnt stop staring at him.. and when he walked past us, he stared at me too.. but i didn't think much of it.. i thot maybe he cld sense that i was looking at him & he juz looked back la.. after that they didn't walk past us anymore.. after some time i looked to my right & noticed they were lying down on the sand.. at that point of time, i told shuqing that they were gay.. cos i think it's weird for 2 guys to lie down side by side each other on the beach.. the thing was he kept looking at our direction.. but i thot maybe he was looking at other bikini clad gals.. so ya.. then after dunno how long me & shuqing got bored of sitting down.. so we dipped our feet into the water.. took some pics.. then.. hehe.. i told shuqing we shld try walking past the guys.. heh.. so ya.. we walked past them.. and i noticed he kept looking.. so.. woo hoo!! haha.. me & shuqing took some pics then we went back to sit.. finally at 6 we decided to leave.. then rite.. when we got up, the guys got up too.. haha.. so after changing in the toilet.. applied a lil bit of makeup.. we went out.. me being me.. i wanted to see the guy again.. so me & shuqing walked onto the beach la.. saw that they were lying down at the exact same spot.. so i begged shuqing to walk past them again.. heh.. so we did.. and this time he looked at me & smiled.. *swoon*.. haha.. but he didnt do anything u know!! NO BALLS!! haha.. anyways we were quite far from them.. then we heard Say It Isnt So.. since shuqing wanted to listen to the song till it ends we had to stand there la.. when i looked back, the guy was signalling to me to go over to him.. WHAT?? haha.. shuqing told me not to go over.. HE shld come over instead.. so after the song ended.. we walked off.. haha.. and he came over!!!!!! lalalalala..

Him: Hi! I'm afian..
Me: I'm azreen..
Him: And ur fren..??
Shuqing: I'm shuqing..
Him: I was with my fren.. lying down there..
Me: Ya.. i noticed..
Him: U noticed??
Me: Ya.. (and i PURPOSELY gave him my sweetest smile)
Him: I was watching u..
(in my mind - SCARY)
Me: Okaaaaaaaay...
Him: So u studying?
Me: Umm.. nope.. i mean i juz got my results.. so.. now juz slacking la..
Him: Ohh.. i'm working..
Me: Ahh.. ok.. how old r u??
Him: 22.. U?
Me: 19..
Him: Ok.. so wat r u gonna do now?
Me: Ohh.. we're going off..
Him: Now?? So soon??
Me: Ya..
Him: I thot of asking u to come to the tower.. haf a chat..
(tempting.. but..)
Me: Umm.. sori la.. i've gotta go..
Him: Wasted la.. if i had known i wld haf sat near u juz now so we cld talk..
Me: Haha.. not my fault wat.. who ask u not to do anything??
Him: U really leaving now?
Me: Ya.. u shld haf come over,, i was dying spending time wif shuqing..
Him: Then i dun get to chat with u?
Me: Eh.. not my business ah.. ur fault wat..
Him: Umm.. can i haf ur no??
(he searched his pocket..)
Him: My hp's not with me..
Me: Umm.. okaaaaay.. give me ur no la..
Him: 9 199 xxxx
Me: Okaaaaay.. and ur name is?? sori ah.. i've forgotten..
Him: Afian.. a-f-i-a-n..
Me: Ya.. ok..
Him: (smiling) ok.. feel free to call me tonite..
Me: ok.. haf a nice time at the tower.. Bye!
Him: Bye!

haha.. now i know wat it feels like to haf somebody's no.. and only i can decide for myself whether i wanna sms him or not.. haha.. i've still not smsed or called him.. lazy la.. haha.. but it was nice to see that he wasn't a mat.. and he spoke in good english.. and yup.. i felt comfortable talking to him.. no awkwardness.. but.. haha.. this is absolute craziness!!

Ohh.. after that while we were walking.. we heard some whistling from the back.. and this guy kept saying: "Seluar pink".. referring to me la.. URGH!! YUK!! haha.. i juz kept walking..

So.. yup.. that was my trip to sentosa.. i dun care.. i'm gonna go to my uncle's place & tan myself by the pool..

| 3/17/2004 03:31:00 PM

Saturday, March 13, 2004

This post is in relation to shake's.. and lulu's.. i meant to write it yday.. but i was really too tired..

Love..
Hmm.. guess nobody has a true definition for it.. i believe different ppl define love differently..

For me..
Love is.. when u juz wanna hear from him everyday.. be it juz a 10-min phone call.. or juz an sms.. be it a forward or him greeting u.. cos that shows i'm in his thots..
Love is.. when u can't get enuff of him & juz wanna see him everyday.. even if u know it'll only be for a while..
Love is.. when juz the thot of him puts a smile on ur face.. when u think of him first thing in the morning.. and he's the last on ur thots before u go to sleep at nite..
Love is.. when u take long bus rides home juz to spend whatever time left in each other's company..
Love is.. rushing out of the hse in the middle of the nite juz to keep a lookout for mars.. even though the 2 of u are far apart..
Love is.. when u can juz sit together & do absolutely nothing.. juz enjoying each other's company..
Love is.. when u haf to meet up even if its already late.. despite knowing that u've got tonnes of hwks to do.. and despite the fact that u haf to wake up early for sch the next day..
Love is.. when u can't wait to get back to singapore juz so that u can sms each other again..
Love is.. when u continue smsing each other till the very last minute before u check into customs..
Love is.. when he's the first person u sms once u get back to singapore..
Lastly..
Love is.. all abt sacrifices.. when the two of u are willing to sacrifice some time off from frenz juz to be with each other.. no matter how tired the two of u are.. u still wanna meet up.. even if it means travelling from the east to the north of singapore.. even if it's late & u've got sch the next day..

I guess at the end of the day.. only u know it.. only u urself know how u feel towards someone..

And since love is all abt sacrifices.. shake.. i guess there's no need for u to change someone.. i know u wld want him to change for the better.. but on his part.. if he's willing to make the sacrifice on his own initiative.. then u can safely say he has feelings for u.. give him time.. he juz wants to be sure of his feelings before he tells u anything.. it took farid some time too before he revealed his feelings.. shake.. rmbr that time during econs consultation at bk.. then farid called.. and i left immediately cos i wanted to see him so much.. and on his part he didn't attend religious class..

U know.. i got to know 2 incredible guys..

One of them was a very devoted soul.. he felt strongly towards me.. but sadly i can't reciprocate his feelings in that way.. and cos of my decision, i drove him away.. up to the point that we aren't frenz anymore.. i know i broke his heart terribly.. and up till today i feel horrible for doing that..
Faizal..
If u happen to read this.. i wanna extend one last apology to u.. it was never my intention to hurt u.. it was very hard for me to come to that decision.. u deserve someone better.. someone who's able to reciprocate ur undying love.. i'm juz not the right one for u.. i dun deserve u..

The other one felt very right for me.. not to say he was the one.. but it juz felt right.. he was the sweetest thing.. i never told him this but i learnt a lot from him.. patience.. dedication.. perseverence.. respect.. he really taught me a lot.. but sadly.. he chose to walk away from me.. he chose to walk away even before giving US a chance.. leaving me all alone.. wondering to myself where did things go wrong.. he left me sad & angry.. hurt..
Farid..
My definitions on love.. i've already written all of them.. and yes.. i felt that way for u.. all of those feelings mentioned above.. i guess it's true when ppl say it's hard to forget ur first love.. i've told u this before.. and i'm gonna say it again..
No matter wat happens.. no matter how things turn out.. u'll always have a special place in my heart.. u'll always be someone special in my heart.. No doubt i got hurt in the end.. but thank u for coming into my life.. thank u for giving me the most memorable 4 mths of my life.. thank u for making me feel loved..
I may have moved on.. but the memories are here to stay.. i juz decided to put those memories at the back of my mind.. as much as i'm hoping that u still have feelings for me.. i guess it's impossible.. i'm juz not in ur thots anymore rite??

| 3/13/2004 08:48:00 AM

It's a sat.. and i'm up at this hr.. as of rite now the time is 7:31 am.. firstly, i'm unable to pray so i shld be sleeping in rite?? and if u guys think i'm excited abt today.. well.. no.. i'm not.. can't go with him anyway.. so excited for wat?? and nope.. i didn't sleep early either last nite.. so.. i'm juz nutz..

Juz checked my friendster account.. hey!! irfan has his pic up!! FINALLY!! after dunno how long.. but it's not his best pic la..shake & shuqing.. if u guys wanna see how he looks like.. juz go to my list of friends k?? and lulu.. when u get to nie.. u MUZ talk to him.. he's a really nice guy.. very sweet.. very accommodating.. his testimonials can vouch for that..

And since i logged on to friendster.. of course i went to have a look at somebody else's as well.. so..

Farid..
If u're reading this.. u've been checking ur account everyday for quite some time now.. i presume u've got an internet connection at home already.. the last time i asked u why u didn't reply to my message u said u had no connection at home.. so wat's ur reason now??

Farid..
Pls.. i'm begging u to reply to my message.. i admit.. i've moved on.. yes.. i can safely say that now.. i've put behind whatever happy times we shared together.. u once told me it's no use liking someone who doesn't feel the same way.. and i can sense u dun feel the same for me anymore.. but i juz wanna know wat really happened between us.. why have u stopped being nice?? and everything happened so suddenly..

Farid..
I needed u at that time.. during my A's.. when i was dying trying to revise everything.. but u were never there for me.. not even once.. and when i got my results u didn't even have the heart to ask me how it was.. cldn't u even ask as a fren?? i dunno why things turned out this way.. is it cos u realised i'll be moving on after my A's?? that i'll be meeting new ppl?? and that i'm smarter then u?? to tell u the truth.. i'm not that smart.. and even if i got to meet new ppl, doesn't mean i'll put u aside.. u jolly well knew how i felt abt u..

Farid..
All i want is a reply from u.. that's all..

| 3/13/2004 07:47:00 AM

Friday, March 12, 2004

gonna make this short & sweet.. cos i'm damn exhausted..

today.. went for a job interview wif shake.. which went very well.. so yup.. we're supposed to report for work on the 22nd.. WEEEEEEEEEE.. haha.. pretty excited for it.. and the pay is GOOD.. heh.. dun really know the nature of the job yet.. will update u guys later..

met up wif lulu at city hall.. ate at sakura.. boy.. i was SO FULL!! oh ya.. we tried on the escada perfume.. VERY NICE!! fruity smell.. gonna get it.. and i saw my origins blusher.. not sure if i wanna get it.. cos let's face it.. the tube is damn small.. and i dunno how much it'll cost..

then we walked all the way to fullerton!! we LOVE that place.. very peaceful.. we went to starfucks.. oops.. sorry.. STARBUCKS.. i had my raspberry frapp.. HEAVEN.. cos i've not had it for like 2 wks now.. so.. yup.. shake had caramel frapp.. lulu had mocha frapp..

each of us had diff ways of drinking our frapp.. for me, i will stir the whip cream till it's fully blended wif the rest of the drink.. shake will eat her whip cream first.. and lulu will juz drink it.. leaving the icy bits at the end.. and yessssss.. we got FASCINATED by the sliding actions of our frapp cups.. haha..

oh ya.. went to the fullerton toilet TWICE.. haha.. we HAD to show lulu the basement toilet.. and yesssss.. shake & lulu took pics at the couch in the toilet.. the VERY famous couch.. and lulu kept going on abt her kuali.. haha..

took the train to novena.. luckily we were quick cos we got seats.. then this guy stood smack in front of me wif his butt facing me.. oh god!! if he had farted, i wld seriously FAINT!! and i told lulu abt my farting story.. haha..

we were walking towards mc cafe.. and i simply melted.. yup.. cos andi was there.. haha.. and today we sat inside.. neeta joined us later.. had fun taking lots of pics.. lulu & shake started mixing their apple juice & mango smoothie.. which turned out to be very nice.. then shake & neeta had to leave for work.. me & lulu took a cab home.. let's face it.. we were exhausted..

"Dah habis kerja?"
"No la.. my knee's killing me.. they sent me home"
"I left after u guys left"

hmm hmm.. la la.. haha.. weeeeeeeee.. haha.. lalalalalalalalala.. winks..

| 3/12/2004 08:41:00 PM

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Do You Follow Your Heart or Your Head?
Heart-Strong Idealist

You're an impassioned individual who just can't suppress your ideals. You've got a strong sense of right and wrong, and want to let people know when they've crossed the line. Sure, there are times when you sit back to hear both sides of an argument. But people had better stay out of the way when your fiery passions take hold.

But just because you can be a bit of a rebel with a cause, it doesn't mean you're incapable of being understanding and compassionate. It's because you're so invested in your ideas and interests that you can work so tirelessly toward your goals and speak up for what you believe in. So keep pouring your heart into it. With conviction like yours, you're sure to succeed!
Click here --> Do You Follow Your Heart or Your Head

I am?? haha.. guess it's quite true..

In cedar, that woman (i haf seriously forgotten her name) kept saying that we were too fond of following our hearts.. seriously i think there's nothing wrong in doing that.. we need a lil compassion.. but i do follow my head too.. when the need arises..

So to that woman.. U ARE SOOOOOOO WRONG!! and i HATE U EVEN MORE after u put me thru ur so called detention.. write a reflection abt whether what i did was wrong or right.. oh well.. FUCK U!! if i dun make it, then i dun la!! i dun need u to go begging around to get me a place.. why wld i wanna get stuck in somewhere that i'll be suffering..

U SUCK!!

| 3/11/2004 08:20:00 AM

This Westlife song is gonna be on my blog for THE longest time..

Fell in love with it.. and the video when i saw it on mtv weeks ago.. but when i heard it on Lulu's blog.. HEY!! IT'S UP!! haha..

So.. sorry lulu.. we have the same song on our blogs..

U know.. if a guy friend decides to dedicate this song to me.. i wld really melt.. yup.. not to say that i would say yes to him.. but i really will melt..

U know what.. i think that's what shy guys are supposed to do.. if u dun have the guts to say it to the girl.. then dedicate a proper song to her.. or at least tell her: "Have u heard of xxx song?? That's how i feel for u"..

Ok.. why am i even touching on this subject?? Seriously.. i dunno..

Dammit.. why am i missing that bastard??

| 3/11/2004 08:02:00 AM

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Realistic Romantic
You are perfectly picky: self-respecting without expecting the moon and stars. Sure, you have a few male must-haves -- such as kindness and chemistry -- but you don't expect every guy you date to fit a cookie-cutter list of requirements or spoil you like you're Catherine Zeta-Jones. "You have a great deal of self-confidence and an open mind about what qualities you find attractive in a guy, so you're accepting of minor imperfections," says Lynn Friedman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Bethesda, Md.. So if a new beau who is otherwise great makes an inconsiderate move or a blind date winds up not being as stunning as you'd hoped, you'll remind yourself that, hey, you aren't perfect either and focus on his positives before giving him the boot. At the same time, you won't settle for subpar performances. "While you accept the occasional faux pas from men, you do not tolerate repeated bad behavior," says Friedman. After all, you're worth a helluva lot more than that, and every guy who's lucky enough to date you knows it.
Click here --> Are You Too Guy Picky?

Very true.. so very true.. accurate.. right on the dot..

| 3/10/2004 07:05:00 PM

How time flies.. i was at macs today.. felt like reading a book & had a craving for McSpicy Double.. so i thot why not i spend the afternoon at macs.. so yup.. i went to the macs near my hse.. and before i knew it, i had already sat there for more than 3 hrs!! totally engrossed in the book i was reading.. ok ok.. it's hard to tear me away from books..

I've got quite a few things to say.. so yup.. juz bear with me if today's post gets too long..

Firstly.. on the way to macs.. this apek was walking towards me.. then he started smiling and filtered to his right.. so i thot to myself: "Ok.. this apek is up to no good.. he's acting funny".. so i moved to my right so that our paths wldnt meet.. then as we got nearer he juz stopped dead in his tracks.. i juz told myself to continue walking & pretended i didn't see him.. there was no way i cld avoid him as we were walking on the pavement.. then.. he put on a HUGE GRIN and said hello to me!! URGH!! i mean.. u know.. those cheekopek kinda smile.. EWWWWWWW.. it was very disgusting u know!! URGH!!!!! i ignored him & continued walking.. and i cld hear him laughing.. he juz went: "Hehehehe"..

Yday.. took my parents, my aunt & my grandma out for dinner.. my treat.. so.. we went to bedok corner.. the one near the bedok camp.. we had lots of food.. stingray.. snails which my dad kindly helped me to pull out the meat.. squid.. satay.. anyways.. that's not what i'm trying to get at.. my aunt & my dad wanted tea & coffee.. so i went to order for them la.. it was clearly stated that it was self-service.. but the fella told me to sit down & that he wld send the drinks to me.. but he didn't say that to the others in the queue.. so what the heck.. i went back to sit.. when the drinks came, he walked over to MY side.. we were sitting at a round table.. my grandma, me, my dad, my mom then my aunt.. i was trying to ask my dad for a small change cos i only brought a $50 note & my hp with me.. but the fella didn't even wait for us to pay.. he juz left.. so i had to get up, walk over to his stall & make he payment.. and he took FOREVER to give me my change.. so while we were eating, i had the misfortune of having to face him.. cos he came out of his stall and sat outside.. and he was smiling away at me.. ok.. no 1.. he was in a shirt & smart pants.. i'm not looking down on drink sellers whatsoever but.. his attire didn't match with his profession at all!! no 2.. he was wearing glasses so he looked like a total nerd!! no 3.. he was clearly waaaaaaaaay older than me.. that was enough to make me lose my appetite.. serious u know!! i cldn't eat much cos he juz kept looking at me.. and i was hoping my dad wld notice & give him a menacing glare or something.. then halfway thru dinner.. my dad said: "Go get me another glass of coffee".. URGH!! that means i had to walk over to his stall again.. what bad luck!! so i quickly placed my order & walked off.. i was sure he wld be OVERJOYED to send my order.. hur hur.. and ya.. he came over to MY side again when he sent the drink.. as i only had 60 cents i told my dad to top up the 10 cents.. that fella heard that & he said to my dad: "Takpe bang.. sepuluh sen je.. halal".. but my dad said he had 10 cents & told him to wait.. but the fella insisted on the same thing.. i wished my dad wld juz shut up & stop trying to search for 10 cents so that the fella wld go away!! i was juz dying u know.. so anyways.. things got settled in the end but i still had the misfortune of having to look at his face while i was eating.. the thing was.. my mom & aunt had their backs facing him.. but shortly after he left, they started whispering and i heard my mom saying loudly: "Dia tak tahu yang ini MAK dia".. and my aunt piped in & said: "Ini mak dara kat sini".. of course i knew what they were talking abt.. haha.. so i said to them: "The two of u noticed?".. and they were like: "Yes!".. and i said: "Very irritating u know!".. so we quickly finished dinner and left.. i seriously dunno how my mom & aunt knew.. did he really make it sooo obvious?? oh god..

After my dad dropped my grandma & aunt off.. my aunt showed us her new car.. only 2 days old.. haha.. so she drove me around in it for a while.. very smooth & nice.. and yeah.. she wants to bring me on a 1 wk trip to new zealand in april.. juz the 2 of us.. but things are yet to be confirmed.. whatever it is i'm really looking forward to it.. my parents are ok with anything.. but my mom told me if i really wanna go on the trip then might as well i dun look for a job now.. dunno la..

U know.. my grandma told me of my cousin's cousin who got 3 A's & B3 for A levels.. i told my parents abt it.. and they told me not to bother.. i know my grandma had no intention whatsoever to compare us.. i mean that guy isn't her grandson.. my grandma was juz telling me.. but i'm sick & tired of hearing abt other ppl's results.. be it good or bad.. i'm NOT INTERESTED.. altho my parents told me they are happy with what i've achieved so far.. different ppl have different levels of capabilities.. that guy was juz born smart.. rjc.. what do u expect.. the thing is.. i dunno if my parents really mean what they say.. if they are disappointed, they are clearly not showing it at all.. it's cos i'm the only kid that's why i'm under tremendous pressure to make them proud of me.. my parents have never pressurised me to do something i dun wanna do.. they have never even pressured me to study like mad.. but i wanna give them the best.. after i told them that yday again they reminded me that the final decision lies with me.. they believe that only i know what's best for myself.. so.. yeah..

Finally.. the doctor said there's no cure for me.. i'm beyond cure.. the disease i'm suffering from.. well.. there's no cure for it at all.. i'm doomed.. haha..

"Hi.. my name is Azwandi but my frenz call me Andi"
"1 drink?? That's all??"
"Fluffy?? U sure??"
"Eh.. How come u never come down mc cafe today?"
"U make me nervous"
"Hey, long time no see.. How come u never come down mc cafe anymore?? Come down la"
"I'll be back on tues.. I accident ah"

Why is it that i'm starting to miss him?? URGH!! this is driving me nutz!! i've not seen him for over a wk & i'm already going bonkers!!

| 3/10/2004 06:59:00 PM

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

A few hrs ago it was my mom's turn to ask: "Who are u talking to at this hr?".. Yes shake.. ur mom used to ask that.. now it's MY mom's turn..

And now she has banned late nite phone calls.. *rolls my eyes*.. i've been talking late into the night for god knows how long now.. and i dunno why she's not ok with it this time..

I think she's juz worried i'm talking to some guy.. whatever la.. i'm already at that age where i'm allowed to date wat!!

Ok.. seriously.. WHATEVER..

FUCK LA!!

| 3/09/2004 06:47:00 AM

Monday, March 08, 2004

I was walking towards the Career & Education Fair at Suntec City yday when the guy giving out flyers came up to me..

Him: Hey u!! I know u from somewhere!!
(he walked closer)
Me: Huh??
(i knew he looked familliar but simply cldn't recall where.. so my brain started to work like crazy)
Him: Yeah.. u were the one who helped me with my form..
Me: OHHHHH!! U!! (i smiled sheepishly).. u were at RELC rite?
Him: Yeah.. that's rite..
Me: I rmbr now.. u came to register for UOL exams.. Diploma in Economics rite?
Him: Yup.. so what are u doing here?
Me: Oh.. i'm juz looking around..
Him: But why? Aren't u working already??
Me: Nope.. i worked there for only 2 wks..
Him: Ohh..
Me: Ok.. cya around!

Beside me, shuqing was thinking that he was trying to use some cheesy pick-up line on me.. haha.. when i told her who he was.. heh.. u shld haf seen her reaction..

I still rmbr what he wore on the day of the registration.. tight blue tee that accentuated his hot bod.. black cargo pants & sandals.. he's basically a taller version of keagan kang..

I was dying at the booth.. it was sooooo boring.. and matt had gone to dunno where.. leaving me alone.. so when he came to ask for a form, i was melting.. cos he was HOT!! i mean.. u know me rite.. i usually go for the tall, dark & gd looking guys.. and he fit that description.. it's only on the rare occasions that a chi-looking guy wld catch my eye.. *ahem ahem*.. i dun need to mention names here..

So yeah.. after he took the form, shuqing came over & i told her abt him.. so both of us found him HOT!! haha.. he was definitely our highlight of the day on that day.. trust me.. trying to direct the crowds and answering the same qns over & over again isn't exactly exciting.. u've got vietnamese & china students whose breath stank & the talk REAL CLOSE to u.. and u've got bitches with thick make-up acting all snobbish.. or as matt called them.. DRAG QUEENS..

It was nice to see that he rmbrs me.. i mean.. yeah.. i had to help him with the subject codes & stuff.. it wasn't much help la.. he cld haf easily referred to the board for instructions.. but ya.. it's really nice to hear that ppl actually appreciates my help..

So to all those i've helped out.. puhleeeeeeeeeese come up to me the next time u see me in the streets.. especially if u're a hot & gorgeous male..

Especially if u're the guy yday..

| 3/08/2004 02:11:00 PM

Saturday, March 06, 2004

Ok people.. my testimonial is written in the side-bar on the right.. just scroll down and u guys will be able to read it.. i like my testimonial.. very nicely-written.. it's true what lulu said.. miss ong seems to know us well altho we do not spend much time with her.. well.. i hope my testimonial is good enough to bring me far in life..

I'm tempted to talk abt THAT pic in the yrbk.. but i shall keep mum.. i dunno who is reading my blog.. so.. haha.. but yeah.. i've been looking at it over and over again.. heh..

I'm not going to talk much abt yday.. except that i started crying even before i got to see my results.. stupid shuqing la.. she came to me whining away.. saying she wanted a hug.. then in the end i was the one who cried while hugging her.. my results.. well.. it isn't exactly good u know.. but my parents were satisfied with it.. they said i did my best.. so.. WOO HOO!!

Actually i'm glad it's all OVER!! i've worked out my options.. so.. yeah.. now i shall see whether i'll pull thru.. if not.. there's always a plan B..

When i woke up this morning.. i received an sms from someone.. he said it's been a long time since he saw me.. SO???? oh forget it.. i dun wanna talk abt it.. an ass who's not worth talking abt.. i mean if he misses me.. or if he wants to see me.. he could just say so right?? i mean.. WHERE ARE YOUR BALLS?? and to think i actually replied and apologized for the late reply.. then no reply from him.. URGH!!

Anyways.. i'm very very tired right now.. by the time i got home last night it was already past 11.. but i didn't mind la.. cos i got to spend time with my parents.. but the tooting thing was they made me wait for 2 hrs!! so made me rush for nothing.. so yeah.. i had to sit down all by myself.. and let me tell u.. my ass turned flat from all that sitting down..

Ok.. gonna get back to sleep now.. i only got up an hr before.. but what the heck.. i'm tired.. and my dad's asleep too.. so..

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ......

| 3/06/2004 12:48:00 PM

Thursday, March 04, 2004

I am not mad cos u messaged him.. of course i'm not.. if i didn't want you to message him.. i wouldn't have given you his number in the first place.. i'm ok with anything.. if you wanna make friends and get close to him.. it's fine with me.. no objections whatsoever..

It's just that i never got to become proper friends with him.. but you had to ask him that one particular question again.. how do u think that made me look?? DESPERATE!!

Do you think i can go back there & talk to him without him sniggering away at the back of his mind that i'm desperate?? all the more he irks me.. all the more he would try to avoid me.. how do you think that makes me feel??

All i wanted was to be his friend.. Remember we once told each other that even if he's attached we can still tell others we've got a cute friend..?? Even if he's gay we can still tell others we've got a cute gay friend..??

You once asked me if i have developed feelings for him.. the answer would be no.. how could i have feelings for someone without getting to know him right?? That's why i'm ok with whatever you wanna do to him.. make friends.. get close.. but you didn't have to portray me in a bad light.. would you like it if a friend portray you negatively??

You know how hard it is to get him to reply to smses.. so now i'll never get to know what is going on in his mind..

And the reason that you & me are so close is precisely why i'm mad at your actions.. You wouldn't want to make a close friend seem desperate right?? You should ask a close friend before you decide to do anything.. be it good or bad right?? Even if you didn't want to ask me.. you could have asked other people right??

I have no qualms whatsoever in you smsing him.. Even if he is interested in you i'm fine with it.. cos afterall he's single.. he's allowed to go after any girl he wants.. and if that happens i would gladly be happy for you.. afterall you're my friend..

You did what you did.. You had to ask him that particular question.. What's done cannot be undone..

I need time.. I can't bring myself to talk to you.. yet.. i don't want to be scraeming at you when we talk.. it's not the right time yet.. you're forgiven.. to err is human.. but.. i really am not ready to talk.. yet..

| 3/04/2004 01:40:00 PM

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Juz watched the movie "Honey" today.. wanted to put one of the songs on the soundtrack on my blog.. but well.. the songs dun actually express what i'm feeling right now..

So yeah.. it's easy to tell when i'm really mad at something.. when i'm frustrated at something.. i'll juz put a loud song on my blog.. so yeah.. this song by Papa Roach kinda expresses it all.. so if u guys are feeling the way i do.. well.. crank up the volume of ur speakers..

Anyways.. back to the movie.. watch it if u guys wanna see sleek dance moves.. and jessica alba's body was.. WHOA!! the movie was nice la.. those lil kids.. i dunno y the fuck did i tear towards the ending.. the movie wasn't sad at all!!

Guess emotions are running high right now..

That's all i haf to say..

| 3/03/2004 04:26:00 PM

You.. I don't know why you had to do what you did.. it's like.. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?? i know you meant no harm.. you thot things would turn out positively.. but let me ask you.. did it even occur to you how it would affect me?? did it even once go through that thick head of yours how i would feel?? did it even cross your mind that your actions could have portrayed me in a negative light?? DID ANY OF THESE OCCUR TO YOU??

I mean.. the least you could do was think of these scenarios.. the least you could do was to ask for other people's opinion before u did what u did.. at least give it a day or two or something.. but no.. u had to take things INTO YOUR OWN HANDS.. the thought as to how i'm going to be portrayed simply didn't cross your mind right??

Seriously.. i don't know what u were thinking of.. i don't know what your motive is.. i'm opened to any possibilities.. but NOT THIS ONE!! because of this i ddin't sleep a wink last night.. i kept tossing and turning in bed.. all sorts of questions came into my mind.. i tried to analyse the situation..

Up to this minute.. i still can't figure out why you did what you did.. i treasure you a lot.. but why did u get me into such a mess?? you have turned me into a wreck!! i wanted so badly for things to progress slowly.. positively.. nicely.. but YOU had to do this!! well.. to be realistic i can't possibly expect things to turn out the way i wanted but now it's RUINED!! TOTALLY!! i don't know if there's anything i can do to salvage the situation.. i never did get a chance to work things out..

I am very hurt by your actions.. i know it wasn't your intention to hurt me in any way.. but i believe i need to tell you how i feel.. I FEEL VERY HURT.. i'm not mad at you.. i'm mad at YOUR ACTIONS.. that's why i'm never ever going to do this with you again.. i shall just keep quiet from now on.. i will keep my distance from you..

This hurts even more than getting my heart broken by farid................

| 3/03/2004 08:21:00 AM

Does Your Makeup Match You?
Sultry
When you head to the makeup counter, be it in a drugstore, department store, or specialty shop, you've got one thing on your mind — it's sexy or it's not coming home with you. It doesn't matter if you are headed to an office party, a romantic dinner, or the dog park, you like to create a sultry, steamy look that tells people you are a passionate force to be reckoned with.
From smoky eye shadows to dark, lush lipsticks, your makeup drawers are crammed with products to make your natural beauty sizzle and increase the heartbeats of those you encounter. Whether you are coupled-up or looking for love, the goal of your hot look is to show that you are confident and provocative. If you also manage to turn heads, light fires, and fog car windows, well, that's a bonus.
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Ok.. that's it.. i'm gonna get the L'Oreal 24 Blendable Foundation.. L'Oreal products actually is suitable for my skin.. and so does Maybelline.. so.. yup..

| 3/03/2004 08:16:00 AM

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

hey! hey! i changed my blogskin.. dunno if it's hard for u guys to see the scrollbars.. but slowly u'll get used to it rite??

oh well.. i felt like i needed a change.. let me repeat that again.. I NEED A CHANGE.. last time when i felt like i needed a change i wld go for a hair trim.. but i am not gonna do anything to my hair now.. altho it's plain boring cos it's juz straight.. i will not touch it.. so yup.. i decided to change my blogskin..

am i very intimidating?? i really dunno.. i mean.. URGH!!! it's like.. EEEEEEEEE.. VERY IRRITATING!! i dunno what to make out of all these.. i'm not upset.. but i feel very frustrated.. like.. URGH!!!

say whatever is on ur mind la!! dun be frenly & nice in person.. then after that ignore me.. day in day out that happens.. i mean.. WHAT IS UR PROBLEM?? juz stop all these mixed signals la.. sometimes i dunno whether i shld be nice & frenly to u..

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

IRRITATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

| 3/02/2004 02:31:00 PM

Monday, March 01, 2004

Juz got back from McCafe.. feeling kinda tired.. but ok la.. got to spend time with shake & neeta.. and i got my red earth concealer.. pretty excited to use it.. which will be the next time i go out.. which will be.. i dunno when.. heh..

Sometimes i wonder how come i've got it bad.. got it bad over.. umm.. something which i dun feel like revealing.. but.. ya.. neeta.. lulu & shake.. how the heck did i get myself into this mess?? i really dunnooooo.. i can't stop myself from thinking abt it!! URGH!!!

The thing is..
I dunno if there's any interest..
I dunno if i shld continue wasting my time there..

I mean..
There's a thrill to doing it..
It's fun..
I get to see how things are coming along..

But i dunno..
Sometimes it seems there's an interest..
Sometimes the actions prove otherwise..

I dunno how I got my self into this..
It was like a spur of the moment thing..
No regrets but..
It's FRUSTRATING!!

| 3/01/2004 06:40:00 PM